What’s Next Recap

It was a great day at the Grove Church on Sunday.  I was pretty tired when I got home Sunday night, but it was totally worth it. For the first time in our history there were over 700 people at church. As we continue to solidify the vision that God has given us as a church, it is very exciting to see more and more people come and want to be a part.  God is moving at our church as we see more people finding Christ, getting connected and being sent all over the world.

We believe that God has even greater things ahead for us, and this last Sunday we spent some time talking about what was next for us as we pursue the vision that he has given us:

Reaching people to become fully-devoted, world-changing followers of Christ.

Here are the three things that are next for us. (You can watch sermon online here)

1) We need to learn to talk to and hear from God–This is more than just prayer. Too often prayer can become an exercise that we do without heart and passion. We need to be people that pour our hearts out to a loving father. We then also need to listen to what God has to say back to us in return. The Bible makes it clear that the Holy Spirit comes to live inside of us and gives us power. Are we aware of that power? Are we walking in that power?  Are we experiencing God in our daily lives or do we just believe true things about him and do good things for him?

2) We need to be in community with small groups of people–We need to have friends and relationship where we feel connected, where we are protecting each other (from sin, from difficult times, etc.) and where we are growing.  Too many people have buddies to hang out with and do stuff with, but how many of us have friends that will be there with us and for us no matter what?  We need friends who take initiative with us and friends that because of our relationships with them, we become better, more like Christ.  This is not a new church program, but it is a goal that each one of us needs to have.

3) We need to move–We now have four services with 3 of them being full this weekend.  We have kids classrooms that are full. We have no space to connect with each other. We have people parking 2 blocks away and visitors coming and deciding to leave because it is too crowded.  Now is the time for us to make a move.  This is going to be a financial challenge for us.  It is going to take all of us working together and believing that God is calling us to do this together.

Much more could be said about all three of these and much more will be over the next few months.  The first two will be covered throughout the fall as we start our series in the book of Acts.  The need to raise money and the challenge of moving will be talked about more as we progress in our search for a new space.

What should we do now as we wait to pursue the next building?

1) Make the move to e-Give.  This is our online giving resource.  This helps you with the discipline of regular planned giving.  You can find that here.  Sometimes what we lack is the discipline.  If we plan ahead to give on a regular basis and set it up, it happens.

2) Make your giving connected to your income not attendance.  Don’t just give something when you come, give a portion of what you make.

3) Go to the next level.  Non-givers become givers. Givers become planned givers. Planned givers give percentages of income. Then become a tither.

4) Save now for the big ask.  You may not have $1000, $5000 or more to give to the new building. But if you planned, could you in 6 months?

5) Invite a friend to come be a part of the Grove. The more people involved, the better.

6) Pray. Pray for wisdom for the leadership. Pray for finances. Ask God for what he wants you to do. Dream big with God. Then pray for God to help you do what he’s calling you to do. We are believing there are going to be some great stories over the next year in how God provides. Be a part of one of those stories.

We are excited about what’s next and hope you are to.  Any questions? Feel free to shoot me a note at charlie@thegrovechurch.org

Vision 2012-Reach

For the last 9+ months we have had an amazing, precious, beautiful baby in our home.  Our world turned upside-down but in the best possible way.  In another month and a half or so, we will have the awesome privilege of being able to adopt her and make legal what has always been true in our hearts.  She will become a part of our family.

During this time, we have had what I will call a “baby-focused” home.  The focus for the other four of us has been the baby. She has far and away gotten the most attention, the most praise and the most care.  We have all adapted our schedule and priorities to fit hers.

A couple of further insights:

1) Do we do this because we love her more? I do not believe that any of the four of the rest of us would say that we love her more or even that we feel that other family members love her more than they love us.  It is not a question of love, but of priority.  She gets the most attention, because she is the most vulnerable. Part of me wants to explain that further. Another part of me doesn’t want to insult you. She is more vulnerable because she is a baby. She can’t do for herself.

2) At no point during our time of baby-focus did Heidi or I ever forget our other daughters’ names.  They never missed a meal and they knew that they were loved and cared for. That may sound ridiculous, but it’s important to the point (Yes, a point is coming). While we were giving focus to the baby, we made sure that our older girls were loved and well taken care of.  Certainly they didn’t get as much attention as they used to get or could possibly get, but they never once were neglected, but instead were deeply loved and cared for.

3) In addition, they never complained that their parents had diverted much of their attention to the baby.  Why is that? Because we were united in our baby-focus. We believed together that this is what God had called us to. We were too busy loving on the baby to be self-focused.  We were too busy following God’s new plan for our family to really notice or complain about the changes.  Also, the trade-off was worth it, because the baby is amazing.

We at The Grove Church strive to have an outward-focus. We want to focus our attention on people who are far from God.

Why?  (See point 1 above) They are the most vulnerable. What is at stake for them is much more serious than those who are walking closely with God.

Does this mean we do not want the believers in our church to be loved and cared for and to grow? No (Point 2), we still must and will care for each other. We will just do so with much of our focus on those outside.

Hopefully, we will then be a church (Point 3) that is so united in our desire to see people locally and around the world find faith in God, it would never cross our minds to wonder if something could be “better for us.”  Too often churches get into a battle over whether or not church is “for believers” or “for lost people.”  As I seem to say a lot about issues Christians fight about, that’s a false choice.  The church is a group of believers commissioned (Matt. 28:18-20) by God to reach the lost.

Of course, God is calling us to help each other grow (see next week). There are many great reasons why we need to and why the church must make sure that happens. As with many things, it is a question of balance. Ask yourself this question, “Am I balanced in the attention I give toward meeting my own needs versus others’ needs? My needs versus people who are from God?” I would imagine that most of us would admit that we give plenty of attention to ourselves.  The same is true for churches. I believe that we have to talk even more about reaching people because our natural tendency is toward an inward focus.

Our mission is described by 4 words–worship, reach, grow and send.  All are important, but we need to be absolutely clear on the commission that God has given us to reach people who are far from him.

Vision 2012–Worship

You hear the word “worship” and you automatically think about music.  “What’s worship like in your church?” is the same question as “What is the music like in your church?”

Now, I don’t want to be “that guy.” You know the guy that lambasts you for using one definition of a word instead of his preferred definition of the word.  Example, “Only God is awesome.  Because only he is totally worthy of our awe and extreme admiration.” Well, awesome also can mean something that’s cool.  “Cool means low in temperature.”  Enough already.

Worship can mean music, but it also has other definitions.  When we get to “Grow” in our vision series, we will see the same thing.  “We want the church to grow,” has multiple meanings.  It can mean you want more people or you want the people to be more.

What do we mean by worship? Well, let’s go to the dictionary. Worship–to be devoted to and full of admiration for.  When we talk about worship, this is what we mean.  We need to be express our devotion and admiration for God.  We can and should do this through singing praise songs to God.  However, it is only worship if we mean what we say.  Otherwise it is just singing.

However, worship is much deeper than singing. Singing is but one expression of worship.  Worship is demonstrating with our lives our full devotion to God.  Paul uses worship in this way in Romans 12:1-2

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Offering your bodies (lives) to God is your true and proper worship.  So as we evaluate how we are doing individually and as a church in worship, it is important to ask if we are properly pouring out our hearts with sincerity when we sing.  However, it is even more important for us to ask if our lives are fully devoted to him.

There are 3 particular areas in which God has laid on my heart for us to grow in our worship.

1. Finances–It is far and away the hardest area for many if not all people. It also causes us the most anxiety when we don’t surrender it to God. We start in our hearts by making a commitment that we will do with our money whatever God asks and a recognition that everything we have is His in the first place.

There are a couple of ways that we need to practice good stewardship of our finances (obviously there are more, but 2 that I believe are good starting points for us).  First is to be generous givers.  God calls us to take the first and best of what we have and give it to him. How much? Ask God.  The historical standard has been 10%, which is what tithe means.  That case can be made from Scripture.  A case can be made for more. It would be hard to make one for less.  Again, ask God and see what he says. That’s a great place to start if the point of this is to surrender this to him in worship.

Second, spend less than what you bring in.  No need to elaborate on that much, so how about an algebra equation?  If you bring in X, spend at most X-1.

2.Character–Too often we justify our sin.  We also minimize the effects that our sin has on us and on other people.  What is one area of sin where you most need to change?  You probably know immediately when asked.  If not, ask God. If not, ask a friend or spouse.  I assure you, they know.  Then begin to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to change your heart and give you victory.  What you will discover is more consistent victory and this area and freedom.

3. Direction–Finally, would you consider asking the question, “God what do you want me to do?” I don’t mean this in a “should I have chicken or steak for dinner” kind of way, but in a “is my life going in the right direction” kind of way.  Are you open to God leading you in a different direction, to get involved in a new ministry, to reach out to people around you?  What if God asked you move to the other side of the world? What if he asked you give sacrificially so someone else could? What if he told you to add to your family through adoption? What if…? What if…? Would you listen? Will you take the risk and ask and wait?

What would happen if we all made a decision this year to increase our giving, allow God to change our character and all followed God wherever he led?  It gets me excited just to think about it.  God would use us in ways that we can hardly imagine.  He would change the world through us.  People in NWA and all around the world would find life in Christ.  We would be living life the way God intends for us to live, with freedom, peace and hope.  We would be the church God is calling us to be.

This is MY Church–Give

The longer I am a pastor, the more and more I get comfortable with talking about giving. Most pastors have nervousness about talking about money, mostly because people don’t like hearing about it. Also, we want to avoid being perceived as “one of those people” who seem to only talk about money.

However, I am becoming more convinced of how important talking about giving. It’s important because people are struggling with their finances.  People spend more than they make, and they rack up incredible debt.  It’s important because people struggle with honoring God with their money.  People want to do what is right, but they feel they can’t.  We spend our lives pursuing the American Dream and we don’t realize that God has a dream for our lives and our finances greater than any dream we have.

This dream begins with us being givers, generous givers.  Here are three reasons why that is important.

We GIVE because it is right–We cannot and should not ignore this. From the time of Cain and Abel (the second generation on Earth), it is clear that God wants us to take the first and best portion of what he has given us and give it back to Him. It predates the Old Testament law and extends beyond it to the teachings of Jesus and Paul. God requires this of us. We should treat this as a regular command. However, we have made a collective decision to put the command to tithe (10%) as a super command. We believe that do not lie is for everyone, but tithing is only for super spiritual people. Both of these should be considered standard, entry-level discipleship.

Many people get hung up on “what counts” as your tithe.  Does giving to any cause “count”? Does it have to be an overtly Christian cause? Does it have to be a local church?  I have friends that are pastors that make the case that the tithe goes to your church. I have friends that work for missions groups that would make the opposite claim. I honestly am less concerned about that. My conviction has been to tithe to our church and give above and beyond that to other groups.  We consider the tithe the floor not the ceiling and believe that it is important to support the church you are a part of.  That is just what we do. “Well, what should we do?”  The simple answer is ask God, “God what do you want me to give? Where do you want me to give?”

We GIVE because God blesses generosity–Things can tend to get squirrelly (The number of attempts that it took me to spell squirrelly correctly was alarming. I almost switched it to fishy.) when you talk about God blessing generosity. We all know the people who make the promises about if you give, God will give you more in return. Cue guy sitting on odd golden throne: “If you will send us $500, we will send you this prayer blanket and God will give you at least 10 times that in return.” False.

The problem with that is that it is just exchanging one form of greed for another. I heard this first from Robert Morris, pastor of Gateway Church in Dallas. The spirit of greed that makes us want more and more is what Jesus preached against. Giving just to get is no better than living your life and working just to get more.  God wants us to have generous hearts. In II Corinthians 9 and Proverbs 3, God makes it clear that he blesses us when we give generously.  Sometimes that’s financially, sometimes it is not.  However, just because we cannot tangibly describe it, let us not discount the power of living a life that is blessed by God.

We GIVE because God uses it to change the world–People are always looking for good investments.  ROI (return on investment) is what people want.  If I invest this $1000, I want the most return on that investment.  I believe that the ROI in giving back to God is high.  When you give back, he does not simply bless you, he blesses the world through you.  The money that you give to The Grove Church allows the church to reach people in NWA who do not know Christ.  It allows us to love and minister to our kids.  Ultimately some of every dollar that is given goes all around the world. I’m staring at a map right now that has pins in 24 countries around the world where people from the Grove are or have been in the last year.  I just saw an email from a girl who is in Japan talking about how she is already had the opportunity to share her faith with multiple people and how God is using her.

This is only the beginning.  We are just getting started.  We started together in this journey 2 years ago, and in two years we have seen God move mightily.  What the next 2 years and the next 22 years have in store seems limitless.  It begins with us making a commitment to taking what God has given us, give it back to him and watch him multiply it around the world.

This is MY Church–Connect

We recently spent 6 weeks going through a sermon series entitled, “This is MY Church.”  During this series, we asked a couple of questions.  The first is what could happen, what would God do in and through our church if we united together?  We talked about reaching the lost, sending missionaries all over the world, meeting real physical and spiritual needs in our community, impacting our children, and more.

The second question was what would it mean for each one of us to be committed, united together at The Grove Church? What would be required and expected of me? We put this in the context of what would happen if we switched our mindset from The Grove Church is where I go to church to The Grove Church is MY church.  This is my place and I will do whatever it takes to help accomplish what God has for my church.

During this six week series, we looked at 6 actions that we each to which we needed to be committed to have this kind of attitude.  These 6 actions will ultimately form our new membership covenant and every new member will be taken through these 6 actions as they are making their decision to make The Grove Church their church.  The 6 actions are–Connect, Give, Serve, Pray, Protect and Invite.

I’m going to take some time this week to review these six on the ol’ blog to help us, whether we go to the Grove or any church, focus on the things that we need in order to join with our church in accomplishing the mission that God has given your church.

The first is connect.  We need to connect in 3 ways.

Connect with God–This is obviously our most important connection.  Before we even begin thinking about what God has called us to do, we need to make sure that we have a solid connection with God.  Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love God with all that we are.  The Bible also makes it clear that the depth of our relationship God determines the kind of life that we will have.  We need to be people who are consistently connecting with God.  We need to pray each and every day and throughout the day.  We also need to take time to listen when we pray.  Is God speaking? If so, what is he saying. We also need to be reading the Bible every day.  There is a richness in God’s word that points to the character of God and helps us know who it is that God has called us to be.

Connect with your church during worship service–This may be the most simple of all requirements to be a church member–”Umm, you should like come to the weekend worship service.”  Nothing incredibly novel here, but we believe that it needs to be said and said boldly.  Being a part of the weekend service is key to being connected to your local church.  It is the time where the whole church comes together to celebrate what God is doing, worship together, serve together and hear from God’s Word.  Hopefully you experience more than just a talk about the Bible.  Our hope is that you will hear a fresh word from God that is for the church, both for the church as a whole and each individual person.  Make the service a priority.  Everyone goes out of town on occasion, but let’s have a mindset that says, if possible, I will be at our weekend service to worship with my people and hear how God might want to challenge me from His Word.

Connect with your people in a small group–Finally, we also all need to be connected in a small group.  There are limitations on what can happen in a weekend service.  While it is the best place for worshipping with other believers and hearing from God’s word, it is not designed to be a place where your personal questions can be answered.  If everyone had a couple of questions and we tried to answer all of them, worship services could turn into a 24/7 operation. It’s also not the most convenient place to share your struggles.  While there are a few exceptions, I’m sure, there are not many people who would enjoy sharing their sin struggles with the church as a whole.  For those two reasons and many more, we have small groups.  These are places where if you have questions, there are people to help you find answers.  There are also people who know you that can celebrate with you and mourn with you and pick you up when you fall.  Small groups are a place where you can know people deeply and you can be deeply known.

Life is too hard to be tried alone, and it is possible for us to be alone even in a crowd of people.  The first step that we need to take is to be connected–with God, with worship services and small groups.

Listen to the series at Grove Podcasts

Success: All the More Reason to Pray

Here we are, day 6 of Setting the Course.  For me it is 6 days without sugar and TV.  Throw in a full day food fast on Wednesday and it has been quite a week.  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and praying this week.  It has been good for me personally, and for you Grovers out there, I hope it has been good for you as well.

I’ve been reflecting over the last few days about where we are as a church and what we want to see God do in our church and our hearts, individually and corporately.  Wednesday marked our 18-month anniversary at The Grove Church.  It has been an incredible 18 months. The church has more than doubled in attendance.  We have seen 20+ people give their lives to Jesus Christ.  We’ve seen God heal marriages and draw people closer to him.  We’ve seen missionaries sent out and orphans adopted.  I could go on and on with stories of what God is doing and has done this last year and a half.

I say all this not to brag on me, the church or you.  I don’t mean this as a boast at all.  In fact, as I have been reflecting this week, it feels more like a warning.  It feels like a reminder of how desperately we need God.  People often feel the need to pray when things are not going well, when they are struggling, when bad things happen.  Then when life turns around, we go back to living life.  We feel that we only need God when we need something.

What success can do to us is help convince us that we are fine, that we can be self-reliant.  My concern is that is where we may go.  That we believe that we have this “figured out.”  We are winning.  However whatever success we have can only be attributed to God being with us.  What we need is more of Him.  A building would be nice, more room for kids, more parking and more seats in the worship room.  Better finances would be nice as well.

All of that is meaningless if God is not leading us and filling us.  So as you pray over the next week, please pray that the leadership would be dependent on God.  Pray that there would never be a time where would say, “Remember when God was truly blessing us?”  Pray for humility.  Pray that we would not be victims of our own success.

God has tremendously blessed us, is tremendously blessing us.  We do not want to switch from that to “I’ll bet we can still do well.”  We want and need God’s blessing and leadership over everything that we do.

Why Fast?–Guest Post by Aaron Gonzalez (aka Gonzo)

During these next two weeks we at The Grove are seeking God in prayer as one church and asking Him to set the course for The Grove in 2012.  Along with prayer we are challenging the church in another spiritual discipline–FASTING! (Sounds scary, huh?) Specifically, we are hoping you will join us in two types of fast.  Let’s look at each of these and discuss the heart behind fasting.

1. The “Lent” fast.  You’ve probably heard of Lent before.  In the season of Lent Christians often choose something that they do or enjoy to “give up” for a period of time as an act of worship to God.  Charlie summed this up for us a couple of days ago.  He said, “The idea behind these kinds of fasts are that during the time that you would normally do the activity, you spend that time connecting with God, praying, reflecting, talking to God, etc…”  People also will fast from certain foods as well.

Let me give you a great example of this.  Over the next two weeks I have decided to give up ESPN.com and SI.com.  (I know what you’re thinking… whoa don’t strain yourself Gonzo!)  Here’s why.  It doesn’t matter whether I am doing homework online or researching for a sermon or using social media, eventually when I am in front of a computer I ALWAYS check the scores of whatever game is going on at the moment on ESPN.com or SI.com.  Call it an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, or just call it what it is…obsession!  I knew I was out of control when I could tell you whether or not Sri Lanka won their cricket tournament.  How does one break this habit?  They submit it to God and put sports in their proper place, far, far, far behind our relationship with God and others.

So I am using these next two weeks to pray and lead my family in prayer.  I am confident that God will be reestablishing priorities in my life that will strengthen my walk with Him and my relationship with my family.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a great relationship with my family, but imagine how much better it could be if God was leading us more and we were in line with what God was doing through us?  That’s what I want.  What about your life?  Your family?  Isn’t that what you want too?

2. The Food Fast. We are challenging everyone that is physically able (no pregnant mothers or children who need to eat for school, etc.) to take Wednesdays for the next two weeks and fast from food all together!  Now before you get all Chris Farley on me (Lay off man, I’m starving!) let me tell you why.

Let’s face it, our minds are focused more on food than any other substance or activity in our lives.  “Where we going for lunch?  What are you cooking for dinner?  I need to pick up some spinach for that salad tonight!”… all said within minutes of each other!  We are constantly thinking about food.  Have you ever wondered why?  I’ll tell you why, because without food we would die!

Yet Jesus fasted during His ministry and He expected His followers to fast as well.  Matthew 6:16 says, “When you fast” not “if you fast.”  He told the religious leaders that after He was gone His followers would fast. (Matthew 9:15)  Jesus nails it on the head when He says “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4)

You see, even more than we need food, we need God! As Christians we have been born again of God’s Spirit and now we live by the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  When we fast we declare this with our actions.  When we fast we place our physical needs and our physical appetites beneath the need for “spiritual food.”  Instead of feeding our bodies, we spend time in prayer and worship and we “feed our souls.”  We don’t fast to get God to do stuff for us, we fast to give God our undivided attention, to spend time with Him and to worship Him.

So here are some final instructions:

• Don’t turn fasting into a show. (Matthew 6:17-18)
• It’s about your heart.  Replace food with prayer and seek after God.
• You can’t earn God’s love, He already loves you, enjoy that love!

We are praying for you throughout these two weeks.  Shout it out on Twitter (#stcgrove).  We love you Grove.

Setting the Course 2012

Sunday, January 29th begins a two week season of fasting and prayer at The Grove Church.  This last year and a half has been an incredible journey.   God has blessed us tremendously as a church.  We have seen about 20 people put their faith in Jesus Christ.  We have seen attendance at The Grove nearly triple.  Missionaries have been sent out, and God has been moving in and through The Grove all around the world.

God has given as a mission first and foremost to Worship Him.  Then God has called us to Reach those who need Jesus, Grow believers deeper in their relationships with God and Send people into the world.  He has given our church a clear vision, but we have some challenges as well.  The first and most obvious one is overcrowding. If God continues to bless us with more people, where will they sit?  Another challenge is in finances.  We have been behind in what we need to meet our budget all year, and we need to see God bless us in our finances.

Beyond these challenges, we desire God’s blessing on everything that we do.  That is why we are taking these two weeks as a church to pray and to fast.  We as a community are going to seek God and ask Him to continue to lead us and to bless us.  If you are a part of The Grove, we are asking you to join with us these two weeks.

What we are asking everyone to do:

1) Pray everyday for The Grove.  You can go to our website here and download a prayer guide.  Take some time each day throughout the day to pray.

2) Fast from something.  If you are familiar with fasts for Lent, then you will understand this.  Take something that you do a lot and enjoy and make a commitment to not do it for the two weeks.  For example, our family is giving up TV for the two weeks (with one “Super” exception.)  The idea behind these kinds of fasts are that during the time that you would normally do the activity, you spend that time connecting with God, praying, reflecting, talking to God, etc.

3) Food fast on Wednesday.  There are obvious exemptions to this, like nursing moms.  Also despite my kids’ objections, I will not be sending them to school on Wednesday without breakfast.  We will talk more about the power of fasting on the blog later on this week.  In short, the sacrifice of a physical need, leads us to deeper reflection on our spiritual need for God.

4) Tweet/post what you see God doing in your life.  Use #stcgrove on Twitter or post on the Grove’s Facebook page.

This will be a great two weeks for us as a church.  We expect God to do great things in our lives and church during this time, and we want to see Him “Set the Course.”

But, We Are Supposed to CONFRONT People

This is really more of a preemptive post.  You see, the voices in my head, they argue with me.  Sometimes when I hear them aruge, I think, “I’ll be some other people think that.”  (”Other people?  You are talking about voices in your head.  You’re nuts.”  Well, you’re reading it.  What does that make you?)

On Sunday, I talked about Jesus’s attitude toward the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).  He (his words) did not condemn her.  He did encourage her to leave her life of sin, but all considered, Jesus’s response to her was very soft.  There was barely a rebuke, and no harsh words, just simply “I don’t condemn you and stop.”

My suggestion is that this should be our attitude in the face of other people’s sin, especially those who are not believers.  Holding non-Christians to Christian standards seems a little ridiculous.  I would go so far as to say, that Jesus’s attitude of grace should be carried over into all of our relationships.

This is where the voices kick in.  “God has called us to confront people’s sin.  We don’t coddle people.  Sometimes, folks need a rebuke.”  Can I agree with that and still say that Jesus is the model?  He rebuked her.  He said that she was living a life of sin.  He didn’t say that she had made a simple mistake.  He also told her to stop.  What more is needed?

The problem for us comes a couple of different ways.  First, are we holding ourselves to the same standards that we are enforcing on the rebukee?  Second, are we determining their sin to be worse by some arbitrary rankings of sin?

Most importantly for me, is why are you doing this?  Why do you want to do this? Are you angry? Are you thinking about you or them? Are you more interested in them hearing your angry words or do you want them to turn away from sin because you love them?  Too often we think we are on the side of justice.  We believe we are God’s delegates to let everyone else know where they are wrong.  If other people’s sin is making you angry instead of breaking your heart, then you should reevaluate and come back later.  Love has to be the motivation.

“If you really want to show someone love, you’ll tell them the truth.”  Maybe.  How about this: “If you really want to show someone love, you will offer to do whatever you can to help them.  You will share the sins you struggle with as well and offer to meet with them on a regular basis for prayer and accountability.”

Loftenism: Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said.

Furthermore, if it does need to be said, where does it need to be said?  How does it need to be said?  By whom? Why you? Why now?

Confronting people is about, (wait for it) people.  Showing love to people, helping people.  Turn off the so-called “righteous indignation” and turn on some good old-fashioned compassion.

1 Corinthians 13

¹ If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

If I rebuke people, confront people, and/or call out sin and do not have love, I’m just mean.

The Sins of the Father…

If there is any verse/passage/concept that men hope is not true, it is this one:

“You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,” Exodus 20:5

We do not want to believe that somehow the consequences of our sins fall to our kids, grandkids, etc.  We know that we are sinners and we bear the weight of our decisions.  We don’t really like the idea of having to bear the burden for our own stupidity, but the idea that someone else, much less our kids, would have to bear the burden is too much.

However, we may not want it to be true, but isn’t it obvious that it is?  Don’t we see it?  The decisions that we make and the consequences get passed down from generation to generation.  Sons say they won’t be like their dad, but they are.  They (we) become what they (we) saw.

Reading through my passage for my Bible in a year plan today, I read the story of Isaac and Rebekah.  Isaac is going through the land of King Abimilek.  He tells the king that his wife is actually his sister.  This is the same lie that his dad, Abraham, told two different kings at two different times.  What a coincidence, a son repeats the exact same sin that his father did.

Thankfully I don’t have any sons (true) so this doesn’t apply to me (not true).  I never see my sins repeated in my daughters (not true).  I’ve never once seen traits of cynicism (not true) or bursts of anger (you get the point).  In fact, it is burned into my memory the time my 8 year old daughter screamed at the car in front of us, “Hey! Move! The light is not getting any greener!”

Our children are and will become what they see, but before we allow that to only discourage us, let’s look at the next verse in Exodus 20:

“But showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.” Exodus 20:6

It works both ways, so while you should feel challenged, you should be encouraged as well.  Be encouraged to be better, to pursue God more and to show your kids how to be a man (woman) and follower of God.

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