Another Bully Story

As I have mentioned before, we have a unique approach to bullying in our family.  (I almost said very unique to be funny, but many of you wouldn’t have noticed.  The rest would be thinking, “what an idiot.”  Some of you are still thinking, “What’s the deal?”  It will all be explained in a future nerd post: My Top 10 Grammar pet peeves) If you have not read the bully post, check it out here.  After you read you it, you will not be able to help but shout, “Mesopotamia!”

Anyway, there was a time when Lauren didn’t shout “Mesopotamia!”  She handled bullies a different way when she was younger.  This is one of my all-time favorite stories.

We were at the McDonalds in O’Fallon, Missouri where we lived at the time.  Lauren was about 3 years old.  We were in the playplace on Saturday morning with her older sister, Maylee who was 6.  Mom was involved in her Saturday morning ritual of garage sale-ing.  There were two boys that were probably around 9 that were there also.  They were running around, being loud, pretending to shoot guns with their fingers, essentially being boys.  Well at one point they have Lauren backed up against the netting around the equipment and they are “shooting” her with their “guns.”  You don’t mess with Papa Bear’s Baby Bears, so just as I was about to get up, she gives them a glare and shoves both of them at the same time.  They are startled and back away.  Well done.

You might think that is the end of the story, but it is not.  Later, she is playing in this little cubby hole of sorts that has a steering wheel in it.  I can’t see her from where I am.  There is a pole in the way.  Suddenly a hear a whack and some kid bawling.  I get up, fearing the worst and there is one of those 9 year old boys holding his face crying.  My 3 year old daughter is still sitting there “driving” and looking at that kid like, “what?”  “What happened, Son,” says the Mom.  “She hit me,” says the puddin’ boy pointing at my 3 year old daughter.  The mom then shoots me a look.  I’m thinking, “What do you want me to do? You are the one with the puddin’ boy.”  But she is right, I needed to do something.  I grabbed Lauren out of there and bought her ice cream and congratulated her.

Is there a point to this story?  Yes.  As always, don’t mess with the Loften Sisters.  They will take you out.  Tell your sons.

Two Things Loftens Cannot Fear Part 2

If you missed Part one, check it out here.  The first thing that a Loften cannot fear is talking to adults–ordering food, asking for refills, introducing themselves, etc.  The second, I’m guessing will shock you and maybe make you smile.

The second thing that Loftens are never afraid of is a little less (or a lot less) intuitive.  We are not scared of rides and roller coasters.  That’s right.  The rule is this:  once you are tall enough to ride it, you ride it, at least once.  My guess is that some of you are looking up the numbers for child endangerment services right now.  How could you do such a thing? Well, just like I said in part 1, I put my girls in situations that can be scary but not dangerous.  We are not cliff-diving or swimming with crocodiles.  These rides are safer than riding in the car.

What can the justification for this be?  Do you like watching kids scream? Are you just looking for someone to ride with when your wife won’t?  Are you just mean?  We do this, because the fear of the unknown is not OK.  How much adventure and fun is lost when we are too scared to try?  How often are we intimidated by something that is uncertain and so we stay safe?  A new job, a new opportunity, a new friendship, a new adventure, an awesome roller coaster that goes upside-down and shakes you around at high speeds.

Once you have tried the ride once, you may then choose to not ride it again.  You can decide that you didn’t enjoy it and you don’t want to do it again.  That’s fine.  You cannot however choose to not do something because of an irrational belief that it is unsafe (That sentence was a triple negative, but it seems grammatically ok).  Their Dad that they trust tells them what is safe.  They trust me, not their fears.  I am with them and we face the rides together, the whole time their dad telling them, you are going to love this.

What have we learned.  We have learned that we all love, I mean LOVE roller coasters.  The faster the better, the more upside down the better, backwards, forwards, sitting, suspension, all kinds.  They cannot get enough of them.

Pre ride: Dad: “You are going to love this.”  Daughter: “No, it’s scary.”  Dad: “No it’s not.  You will love it.”

Post ride: Dad: “I was right again, wasn’t I?”  Daughter: “Yes, Dad.  Can we ride it again?”

We’ve also learned that they are not as big of fans of the freefall rides, the ones that pull you straight up and drop you straight down.  Even with that though, I made Maylee ride Tower of Terror again at Disney Hollywood Studios the next time we went to Walt Disney World, even though she didn’t enjoy it the last trip.  Post trip, favorite ride? Tower of Terror.

Fear of the unknown grips us.  We strive for security.  I want my girls to find it in the relational trust that they have in their Dad.  Somehow I wonder if we are stil talking about parenting.  Wouldn’t we do well to face the world not with fear, but relational trust in a Father that loves us and is always with us?

Watch out World, the Loften girls are not scared of you.

2 Things Loftens Cannot Fear Part 1

At first you may think that this is a joke, but you can ask either of my girls what the two things are that we cannot be afraid of as Loftens and they will both tell you the same thing.

The first is that we cannot be afraid to talk to people.  This includes new people that we meet, it includes waitresses, essentially everyone.  For example, we are at a fast food restaurant and we are sitting down at the table with our food.  One of the girls may ask, “Dad can I have some ranch?’  I tell them, “sure” and then I look toward the counter.  They then go to the counter themselves and ask the people themselves and get their own ranch.  You may wonder when I started doing this.  They started ordering for themselves as soon as they could formulate sentences and they have been going to the counter by themselves way earlier than many of you would think is safe.

You may think that I am (at least was) putting my girls into scary situations, and I should (or at least should have) gotten stuff for them, ordered for them, etc.  First, you are right.  This is a scary situation for a little kid.  However, there is a difference between a scary situation and a dangerous one.  I have never put them in danger, but they have been scared.  Why is it important to me that they do this?  First, our lives/my job thrusts my girls into situations all the time where they are meeting new people.  We’ve told them we never go to stranger’s house, we are meeting new friends.  But even if I weren’t a pastor, what better life skill is there than the ability to confidently talk to people, especially people that you might naturally be intimidated by?  There aren’t many.  I’ve said this before, but I want our girls to be confident and want them to have hearts to love and engage with people.  God has called us to love others like we love ourselves and fear will not be what holds a Loften back.

(Stay tuned for Part 2, the second thing we cannot fear.  You won’t believe it.)

Dealing with Bullies, the Loften Way

So any time one of my girls comes to me with a story that someone at school is acting (verbally) like a bully to them, I tell them the same thing on how to respond. I tell them that they should do one of two things (or both). One, they should shake their hands in the air and shout, “Mesopotamia!!!” Second, they should pretend to fall asleep–close their eyes and start snoring.

Why would any Dad in the world do something like that? First, I want my girls to settle down and laugh. It always makes them laugh when I shout “Mesopotamia.” I also hope that in the moment that someone is being mean to think about that and at least in their heart be able to smile. They also need to learn how to take a verbal assault and not lose their temper. I don’t want them to cower, but I also don’t want them escalating the conflict. (Seriously, has lashing back ever helped anyone? Has it ever helped you? Just walk away)

Here is what I thought would never happen. Lauren tried it at school. A boy came up to her and a friend and started talking mean to them. She looked at him for a little while and shouted “Mesopotamia!!!” at him. So when Lauren told me this I was stunned. I asked her what happened next. He told Lauren she was weird, so she then pretended to fall asleep. The boy then walked away. Turns out the plan works. Who knew?

I love my girls. I want them to be strong and gentle. I want them to be strong and proud women free from fear and free from anger. The world can be a rough place, and I want them to walk in it with their heads held high and a quiet strength, confidence and grace that the world will notice and will be honoring to the God that loves them.

Date Your Daughter

I just got back from a date with my younger daughter Lauren.  We went to go see Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakuel (more on this later) and then had lunch at TGIFridays.  However, what we did doesn’t matter near as much as that we did it.  I love spending time with her.  I love spending time with each of the three ladies in my life.  It is amazing how lucky I am that I am the most important person in the world to three different ladies.  Last night when I told her that we would have a date today, her face lit up.  I would do anything to see that look on her face.  How special it is that spending time with me would be enough to make her light up like that.

How do I want her to remember her dad growing up?  My dad was so cool, he had a blog.  My dad was great, no one could watch sports on TV like him.  He was great at playing video games.  I think not.  I want her to know and remember that I would often take time out of my week to spend one on one time with her, talking to her, doing the things that she loves to do.  I want her to remember how much I loved her and how valuable she was.

What I have to remember and all dads need to know is that how I treat her greatly affects three views she has.  How does she view herself?  Is she beautiful? Is she valuable?  How does she view what to expect in a boyfriend/husband?  How will he treat me? What does love mean?  How does she view God?  She will continue to read in the Bible and hear at Church that God is Father.  What image will she have when she hears that?  What is a father like?

I want Lauren to know that she is of immeasurable value, and that a date should treat her with utmost respect.  Most importantly, I want her to think that a father, like her heavenly Father, loves her unconditionally and would sacrifice himself for her the way God did/does through His son, Jesus.  I want her to know that her dad loves her deeply.

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