Another Visit from the Toenail Ogre

April 21, 2011 by cloften  
Filed under General Insanity, Silliness and Rants

About 3 years ago, our then 7 year old daughter in very Laurenish fashion, ripped off the toenail of one of her big toes.  The fact that that kid has never 1) been in a full body cast or 2) Ever been to the emergency with a stomach pump is amazing.  I could fill a blog called  (I like .biz, it’s classy. is still available if you want to start a rival site).

So one night, mom is getting her ready for bed and doing the various trimming of the toenail shards, cleaning, etc., and it’s time for the big piece to come off.  While this is going on, Lauren begins to muse, “I wonder if I put this under my pillow, if the tooth fairy would take it?”  A discussion amongst all of us begins along the lines of whether or not the tooth fairy would do that, if there is a different toenail fairy, etc.  It was agreed that she should at least give it a go and see what happens.

What happened next, none of us could’ve anticipated.  It turns out that there is not a toenail fairy, but a toenail ogre.  He left Lauren a note written in crayon with dirt all over it, with terrible handwriting and worse grammar.  He also didn’t leave any money.  He left a rock.  Lauren, if you know her you will not be surprised, was ecstatic.  She has both the rock and the note in her keepsake box.

Welpst, she broke her toenail again a couple of weeks ago at a soccer tourney.  The big chunk came off a couple of nights ago.  Anticipation was building in the house again as this giant toenail chunk was placed in a baggie under her pillow.  Sure enough, the toenail ogre was back.  This time the note, still with bad penmanship and grammar, was written with what appeared to be a red sharpie (Maybe said ogre didn’t know where the crayons were.  Maybe it has moved recently).  There was, of course, another rock, which is now along with the note, in the keepsake box.

Is there a point to this? I don’t know. Maybe. As much as there ever is, I guess.  Maybe multiple points:

1) It is as weird behind the scenes at our house as you anticipate it would be.  Probably more.

2) Make fun memories with your kids.  Be creative.

3) They won’t be young forever, but they will remember stuff like this forever.

P.S. The toenail ogre does not come with just ordinary toenail clippings.  Don’t be ridiculous.

P.P.S. Secret goal is to be #1 in Google search for toenail ogre


5 Responses to “Another Visit from the Toenail Ogre”
  1. Sarah says:

    When I googled toenail ogre, you came up #4. I clicked through to increase your page rank. You’re welcome :)

  2. Shane says:

    you’re up to #2…

  3. cloften says:

    That’s what I’m talking about. It’ll be trending on Twitter soon enough.

  4. cloften says:

    It was just #1. Success.

  5. Kim Blanchette says:

    Just searched…#5 on Bing.

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