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When Getting Fired Is the Best Thing That Could Happen

September 10, 2015 by cloften  
Filed under Bible, Church and Leadership

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Immediately after finishing my seminary degree, our family moved to the suburbs of St. Louis to join some friends in planting a church.  It was an exciting opportunity for us.  First what could be better than planting a church and serving alongside friends?  We weren’t taking some job where we didn’t know anyone in completely unfamiliar circumstances.  We were friends and knew each other.  We had worked together before in college ministry and we were friends.  Also, I was young and inexperienced and this was an opportunity for me to get in on the ground floor as a leader at what was certain to be an incredible fast-growing influential church.
However, for multiple reasons, this church was failing miserably.  We were there four years and essentially saw minimal to no growth.  There are a multitude of reasons why this church failed—enough to fill an entire book—20 Leadership Lessons from a Failed Church Plant.  However, I will focus on the one that’s relevant to what we are talking about.  That’s the great thing about having such a miserable failure on my resume, you can use some part of it to illustrate anything.
I really wanted to be a teaching pastor at contemporary church.  I really wanted to plant a church with friends.  I was passionate about small groups and the local church being used to reach lost people.  I was excited about the opportunity and the job.  But passion and enthusiasm could not overcome one thing.  Like I mentioned earlier, the job that I was given was not one I was good at.  My primary responsibility was in the area of administration.  I also taught about once a month and I was overseeing small groups, but the bulk of my time was spent managing the business side of the church.  I was developing and maintaining a church database, paying the bills and managing the church finances.  To say that I was no good at that would be a huge understatement.  I was terrible at it.  People who know me now laugh when they hear that I was to be the organized one.  People who don’t know me but have seen my car, or my desk, the files on my computer, my closet, well let’s be honest, those who have seen any aspect of my life know that administration and organization are not in my list of strengths.
No amount of passion for being a pastor, serving with friends or loving the great people that were a part of our church could overcome the fact that one of the main thrusts of my job was something I was no good at and was not passionate about.  So here’s what happened.  I would spend twice as much time doing simple tasks as it would take someone who was gifted in that area, which is already time wasted.  However, in addition to that I would waste time dreading the tasks and then waste time on the backend being cranky about how awful those tasks were.  You can judge me if you want, I know how you are.  However, you are the same way.  If there is job that you have to do, that you hate and are no good at, you waste all kinds of time both in doing it and not doing it.  I believe that when we try to accomplish something that is completely out of our sweet spot——something you are not talented in or passionate about—it takes us four hours to accomplish a one hour task.  We spend one hour not doing it, two hours doing it and one hour exhausted from doing it.
What are the results of this? First I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally from having so much of my day being jobs I can’t and don’t want to do.  That then means I am taking time away from the parts of my job that I can and want to do well.  Now I’m not only failing at the parts of my job that I am destined to fail in, but now also I am failing in the areas of my job that I could be good at, if I had the time or the emotionally energy to do it.
Now in addition to not doing my job well, I am slowly sinking into a depression because I can feel myself failing (in addition to other parts of the church failing for other reasons).  So how can I get out of this? What I tried was completely ignoring the admin piece of my job except for the bare essentials.  This way I can focus on the parts of my job that I can do well.  Anyone who is administratively gifted or at a minimum understands the importance of the administrative side of church has just passed out.  A church needs a solid infrastructure (run by an efficient team) and without it weaknesses will be exposed.  To be honest there wasn’t much difference between me focusing on admin and not focusing on it.  In both instances, it was terrible.
However, that eventually catches up with you—depression, avoidance and failing at some primary job responsibilities. After four years of the church struggling, my friend invited me to lunch and fired me.

Immediately after finishing my seminary degree, our family moved to the suburbs of St. Louis to join some friends in planting a church.  It was an exciting opportunity for us.  First, what could be better than planting a church and serving alongside friends?  We weren’t taking some job where we didn’t know anyone in completely unfamiliar circumstances.  We had worked together before in college ministry.  Also, I was young and inexperienced and this was an opportunity for me to get in on the ground floor as a leader at what was certain to be an incredible fast-growing influential church.

However, for multiple reasons, this church was failing miserably.  We were there four years and essentially saw minimal to no growth.  One of those reasons was that the job was not a great fit for me at all.  Some of my job was a good fit.  I would teach about once a month, which I loved.  I was overseeing the small groups and I enjoyed that as well.  However, there was a huge problem.  I was the church administrator as well.  Take a moment and let that sink in.  If you don’t know me, then you need to understand that everyone is laughing right now.  I could attach a picture of the inside of my car and you would understand, or my closet, or my desk, or I suppose a picture of me.  I have no administrative gifts at all.  I was a disaster at that and it was the core of my job.

Other parts of my job were going well,  I was shepherding and teaching well.  Small groups were going OK, especially for a church that wasn’t growing and struggling.  It didn’t matter.  I was struggling.  After four years of being there and with no warning, my friend and the lead pastor, took me out to lunch.  (I take that back.  Invited me to lunch.  I paid for my own lunch.  Minor detail, but still.)  At that meeting, he blamed all the church’s problems on me and fired me.

(Since that time, we have reconciled and he has apologized for blaming me and took responsibility.  I put this disclaimer in here, because I don’t want anyone who knows the people involved in this story to think that I’m still upset or he and I aren’t good.  We are.  No resentment here…except for that maybe I had to buy my own lunch.  Just kidding.)

At that moment, I was devastated.  It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.  I had lost my job, my church and my friends all in one awful moment.  For quite a few days, I wasn’t sure that I would ever recover from this loss.  I spent a lot of time crying, yelling and not sleeping.

However, the 10 year anniversary of that moment is coming up in January, and after ten years, I have to say that it is one of the best things that ever happened to me.  What can often destroy people, God has used to grow me and help me become the man, pastor and leader that I am today.  Without the “worst” thing that has ever happened to me, I would not be where I am or who I am. What about you? Have you had a devastating moment in your life? Have you allowed it derail you?  After 10 years, here is what I have learned about these moments and how God has shaped me through them.  Ultimately he can do the same for you.

Here are some ways that God made the “worst” the “best” for me:

1) God drew me closer to him. When you lose your church, your friends and your job all in one moment, it can feel that you don’t have much left.  It can also feel like you have nowhere to go.  However, God was always there.  The first thing that my wife said to me after I told her was, “Well, clearly God is up to something.”  It was hard to believe at first, but eventually it became clear to me as well.  God was with me, loved me, and wanted my best.  I learned to lean on him more in this adversity than I had in a long time.  I chose not to turn on God but instead to lean in, and my relationship with him deepened in great ways.  Move toward God.  Don’t pull away.

2) I woke up out of a daze. I’m not going to lie.  I was in a rut.  I wasn’t enjoying my job or much of my life.  However, it was my life.  It was my job.  So, I kept doing it.  I was headed nowhere personally or professionally.  I was drifting slowly on a boat headed nowhere.  However, in a moment, that rut was gone.  Rather than dwelling on the loss and grieving, I was able to realize that I was stuck some place that I didn’t want to be and headed to a place that I didn’t want to go.  Difficult change has the power to wake us up and refresh us if we choose to not give in to despair.

3) I took the opportunity to evaluate what my best role was. So if I wake up out of a daze, now my head is clear.  So I ask, what should I be doing if it’s not this?  Where should I be doing this?  What am I good at? What do I love?  When anything is possible, well…anything is possible.  I applied for jobs all over the country in all sorts of different roles.  Through some good prayer time, introspection and multiple interview processes, God began to make it more clear who I was and want I needed to be doing.  Don’t focus on the loss.  Embrace the opportunity

4) God led me some place better. Ultimately then, the next job I took was a much better fit for me and I saw God’s blessing in my life more than I ever had as a pastor.  Then as that role began to change, I recognized that it wasn’t going to be a great fit for me long-term.  I could see the signs now.  That then led me to where I am now, which I believe is a job in a place where God wanted me to be all along.  I didn’t get here the most direct way, but I did get here God’s way.  So, let’s not ever lose sight that even though the path may seem crooked, we are being led by God right to where he wants us to go.

5) Unexpected blessings. I made a decision 4 years ago that there was no longer any point in my past that I was going to regret.  Of course, there are situations I could have handled better, and I regret that.  However, big picture there are no regrets.  Why? Because of Laylah Loften, our adopted daughter.  She was born in a hospital in Fayetteville, Arkansas at just the right time and just the right place for her to be ours.  If anything in our life had been different, we would have missed it.  So, no regrets.  If this is all the good that had come from being fired, it would have been more than worth it.  Don’t lose sight of the tremendous events and blessings in your life that possibly would have never happened if the temporarily devastating events hadn’t led you there.

Don’t let a twist or obstacle in your path become the time that you give up.  God is working a long-term big picture plan for your life.  He can and will take some of the worst moments in our life and use them to bring great good.

How have you seen God work in this way in your life when life handed you something unexpected and hurtful?

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Comments

One Response to “When Getting Fired Is the Best Thing That Could Happen”
  1. Carolyn Loften says:
    September 10, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    I’m in Branson.

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