How do you discipline a crying girl?
January 27, 2010 by cloften
Filed under Family and Parenting
A quick note before we start, I will use my blog and other public forums to praise my girls not call them out, so if there is any parenting post/story that involves something bad happening, it will be vague, nameless and thus perhaps a little confusing.
Anywho, we have recently had to take something of value away from one of our daughters. She has been having some self-control issues, bursts of frustration and lashing out against her sister (people who know us–stop trying to figure out who is who). We told her that she needs to build up a track record of not doing that over a few days and her valuable possession will be returned. For the next 3 days, we have had at least one outburst.
After last night’s outburst, she almost immediately starts crying and beating herself up. “I am so stupid.” How do you keep going at that point? Don’t you have to give in? Well, I will tell you what I did. I sat down with her on the couch and told her how much I loved her. I told her that it was my responsibility to help her. What I want for her more than anything is for her to win.
“I am on your team. I love you. If I let you do anything with no consequences, what would happen?”
“I wouldn’t get better, Dad.”
“I am not punishing you. I just want to help you.”
You want to guess what happened next? That’s right, she started crying again. I hugged her, tucked her in bed and told her good night.
Everything in my heart said, “Just give it back, you mean old bear.” However, I didn’t and it hurt me. You see, I am compelled by God and driven by my love for both my girls. I want them to become beautiful young ladies, inside and about. Sometimes that means I do things that make her (and me) cry, not to hurt her but to help her, not simply to punish, but to love.
How do you discipline a crying girl? I’m not exactly sure, but it hurts.
It’s not just the girls Charlie. I thought with boys it would be a lot of “buck up” and he would happily run out and get dirty and be okay again…not so much. Not having grown up with a brother in the house, I was totally unprepared for boys to be as emotional as girls and to fight so hard to “buck up” through it. Knowing the ages of your girls, I know A.) it could be either of them you’re talking about and B.) it makes no difference because they are both at the age that they really start to build the foundation of who they are, or at least the things that will really matter to them. We’re dealing with it here too, my friend, as both of my boys are around the ages of your girls. The emotions they show, they disappointment and disgust with themselves is all the same. I cry for them and with them as they struggle through and pray they choose to live what they believe to be “truth”. As for how to discipline a crying girl, mine is 5, so it’s not really difficult at this point…you figure it out and I will be asking you in a few years, ok?
The same way my Father discliplines me when I’m crying. The same way you did last night. And someday she will get just how much it hurts you. And Him.
My daughter is learning to trust me when I stay consistant with the consequences of her actions. She is told what will happen and then it happens. It ain’t easy, though!
I totally agree with this post. I also like what Rodney Tindall says “I stay consistant with the consequences”. I think that is very important. I am a newbie at being a dad but I know from the way my parents raised me. Great post!