Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

You probably have noticed that this blog (at least the serious stuff) has taken on a parenting/marriage flavor lately.  There are a couple of reasons for that.  First is that I post mostly on what I am thinking about and doing, and I spend a lot of time being a husband and dad.  I love the three girls in my life and I feel blessed to have them, so I like to talk about them and how cool they are.  Second, I spend a lot of time at my job talking to families that for one reason or another are not doing very well.  They come to me for advice and prayer.  I consider it a privilege to be able to talk to couples and families that need some help, perspective and some wisdom from God’s word.

All that to say, too often I notice that people do not ask for help until it is too late.  Usually one of the two, the husband or wife, is ready to be done and then as a last resort, they ask for help from a friend, pastor or counselor.  If I could give one piece of advice to couples (and the same would apply to parenting and just about anything in life) it would be do not wait to ask for help.  You don’t have to wait until your life is in crisis or things are falling apart.  If something doesn’t feel right, call someone.  If a fight or disagreement seems to be lingering, ask for some advice.  Most problems and disagreements can be easily worked through when they are a 2 on a scale of 1-10.  It is a lot harder when it is a 9 or 10.

There is no shame in asking for help.  Here’s why.  This may be a huge shock to many of you.  You ready?  Marriage, parenting and life in general are hard.  Guess what else?  Everyone knows it.  When you call your pastor or friend and ask for advice, I promise you they will not be thinking, “What a loser.  Marriage is the easiest thing ever.  How did he/she get so bad it?”  No one will think that.

I’ve noticed that 99% of marriage problems are very similar.  Neither spouse feels they are getting what they need from their spouse and they don’t know how to express it or talk about it (More on this in depth at some point).  Sometimes just knowing that your struggle is common and that countless couples have overcome is enough to help you overcome as well.  Anyway, don’t wait.  Consider it like a tune-up.  You are calling to have something checked before something breaks.  In the end, your marriage and family will be much stronger.

(Btw, feel free to shoot me a note at charlie (at) cloften.com with any questions, comments or if you need help with anything)