Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late
January 19, 2010 by cloften
Filed under Bible, Church and Leadership, Family and Parenting
You probably have noticed that this blog (at least the serious stuff) has taken on a parenting/marriage flavor lately. There are a couple of reasons for that. First is that I post mostly on what I am thinking about and doing, and I spend a lot of time being a husband and dad. I love the three girls in my life and I feel blessed to have them, so I like to talk about them and how cool they are. Second, I spend a lot of time at my job talking to families that for one reason or another are not doing very well. They come to me for advice and prayer. I consider it a privilege to be able to talk to couples and families that need some help, perspective and some wisdom from God’s word.
All that to say, too often I notice that people do not ask for help until it is too late. Usually one of the two, the husband or wife, is ready to be done and then as a last resort, they ask for help from a friend, pastor or counselor. If I could give one piece of advice to couples (and the same would apply to parenting and just about anything in life) it would be do not wait to ask for help. You don’t have to wait until your life is in crisis or things are falling apart. If something doesn’t feel right, call someone. If a fight or disagreement seems to be lingering, ask for some advice. Most problems and disagreements can be easily worked through when they are a 2 on a scale of 1-10. It is a lot harder when it is a 9 or 10.
There is no shame in asking for help. Here’s why. This may be a huge shock to many of you. You ready? Marriage, parenting and life in general are hard. Guess what else? Everyone knows it. When you call your pastor or friend and ask for advice, I promise you they will not be thinking, “What a loser. Marriage is the easiest thing ever. How did he/she get so bad it?” No one will think that.
I’ve noticed that 99% of marriage problems are very similar. Neither spouse feels they are getting what they need from their spouse and they don’t know how to express it or talk about it (More on this in depth at some point). Sometimes just knowing that your struggle is common and that countless couples have overcome is enough to help you overcome as well. Anyway, don’t wait. Consider it like a tune-up. You are calling to have something checked before something breaks. In the end, your marriage and family will be much stronger.
(Btw, feel free to shoot me a note at charlie (at) cloften.com with any questions, comments or if you need help with anything)
Great advice. My wife and I have been married for 6 months today, and this is something that I want to make sure that we always get right.
Marriage is the hardest and best job I have ever had! When both parties pitch in, it’s a real blast! My sweetie is THE BEST GUY I know. I could not have asked for a better one- he makes me feel beautiful everyday and makes laugh everyday. And best of all, he loves Jesus. That is the coolest part about him. So glad to see other men make this journey a priority.
Charlie, there are so many hurting couples around us. I sat with several this week and my heart literally broke for them and their children. This is a large subject and seems so very complex, but as you say, there are a few root causes it seems.
Would love to talk in the near future about what we can do to provide the healing and help these families so desperately need…and, not just after a crisis. Surely we can do a better job.
Charlie, well said. My wife (Ann) and I have been married for a little over 19 months. We attend Fellowship in Little Rock.
I agree that if problems arise to get advice. Since marrying my wife, I have sought advice through various church ministries and other individuals connected to our church.
Ann and I attended Fellowship’s Countdown to Marriage conference in March 2007 only three months into our relationship after meeting her through online dating in December 2006. That helped us a lot! When we have had some issues arise, we have asked for help.
To those reading Charlie’s blog, do not wait for something to get worse. Ask for advice and help.
If anyone is wondering why Ann and I got married so quickly. We discovered during the months leading to our engagement that we had several mutual friends that were friends of friends or extended family members of those friends.
Since getting married to Ann, Ann and I discovered through Facebook that Charlie Loften mentored some of my friends in Conway. After I found Mark Henry was on Facebook, I discovered that he and his wife know some of my other friends in Conway as well! What a small world!
My husband and I have been married for six years. Our advice has always been COMMUNICATE. It is the most important thing you can do for a marriage!