Why Your Church Is The Way It Is

Every now and then I drop in a blog post that possibly is only interesting to me. I feel bad about that sometimes, then I remember “Oh yeah, it’s my name on the website.  Wait, I guess that’s not my name, it’s a nickname.  Wait, it’s not my nickname, it’s a fairly common user-id associated with work e-mails (1st letter of first name + last name) that humorously (to me) becomes a made up word that could function as a nickname if anyone were to ever call me that.”  (This is what I mean by “only interesting to me”)

Anywho, I’m working on a theory.  There is a theory out there that a church takes on the personality of its Senior Pastor/Leader/Direction Leader/Team Leader/Lead Teaching Pastor/Guru of Teaching and Inchargish One.  I would like to modify that.  I agree with it to a point. I think that, left unchecked, a church will take on the weaknesses of its leader.

On the other hand, I believe that the personality of a church comes from the relationships between the leaders/staff/elders of your church.

Do your leaders love each other and get along?  You probably go to a fun, relational church.

Do your leaders fight? You probably go to a church with a lot of tension.

Do your leaders seem to not even know each other? You probably go to a corporate, cold church.

(BTW, this is one of those things that I think I said first.  Then you will quote the book you read it from, and then I will get mad)

Way too often we try to change our church culture, by changing programs, curriculum, ministries, etc.  We try to move staff around, fire one person, replace with another.  However, what many churches that struggle need are leaders that love each other, and enjoy being around each other.  From that flows love, community, and connection that seeps down to everyone else in the church.  The leaders and their relationships set the tone for the relationships that people in the church have with each other.

Are you leader in your church? Do you love (AND LIKE) the other leaders? No? Start.  Love is a choice (I know I didn’t say that first) and so is like. Definitely spend time with and get to know are choices.

Are you not a leader in your church? You can still help by setting the example from wherever you are, by modelling that you believe that loving one another is, you know, like important and stuff (Not the first to say that)

There are far too many of us out there in churches that have great ideas, solid theology, but unhealthy churches.  We think we can plan and strategize our way out of the unhealth.  We can’t, but that’s all we know.  We don’t know any other way.  However, the answer is often far more simple than we realize.

All we need is love (Pretty sure I didn’t say that first)

Velociraptors, Fences and the Rigors of Parenting

“Cloften, with a title like that, this had better be a good post…no great post…hmm, how about just better than mediocre ramblings with an obscure pop culture reference.”  Sorry Reader (intentionally singular), that’s exactly what this is.

You ever have one of those days where one of your kids is just relentlessly pounding you? Or they keep doing the same bad thing over and over again or they are consistently nagging/hounding you? (”Can I ______?” “No” “Please” “No” (repeat indefinitely or until all of hair has fallen out))  No, of course not.  Only other people’s kids do that.  Well, you can still read this, so you can help other parents.

I have dubbed this Velociraptor mode.  This comes from a great scene in Jurassic Park. (Now listen, I consider myself pretty interweb-savvy, and Utoob savvy.  I looked for this clip and couldn’t find it.  If you find it, I will insert the link and I will dub you Dork of the Week)  In this scene, Robert Muldoon (the creepy/super-cool park ranger guy) is explaining to the scientists how the velociraptors conduct themselves in their electric pen.  They systematically go around from one section of the fence to another ramming it full force.  They get knocked out, and then another one will do the same to another section.  The scientists ask why and he says they are testing it for weaknesses.

If you have a child that is over 2, then the analogy is pretty clear and we should just close in prayer. “Dear God, Please help me not put down my velociraptor. Amen.”  If it is not apparent, let me help.  Your kid is constantly testing the borders and weaknesses of the boundaries and rules that you have.  They act like there is no fence there, they don’t care if they are about to get electrocuted (metaphorically of course).  They want to know if there is any weakness in the fence.

So here is the (semi) rhetorical question, will your fence hold? Here’s another one, should your fence hold? Or is the Velociraptor phase, an indication that you have built your fence in the wrong place? Is surrender a good idea?  The idea of surrender is clearly tested most at Wal-Mart.  (Here’s a theory. Actually 2.  The put something in the air at the mall to make men exhausted.  They put something similar in the air at Wal-Mart to make kids throw tantrums)

The fence has to hold.  If you have put good, healthy boundaries on your kid and they start fighting, you have to hold firm.  Kids will do fight, test and rebel.  I can tell you that at ages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 and 13 that they will.  I’ll let you know about 14 next year, though I’m pretty sure I have solid idea already.  You need to hold strong, and here is why.  Kids want and need the fence to hold.  They are safe and secure there.  The most anxious, angry, fearful kids I know are the one with little or no or variable boundaries.  They are never safe and never at peace.  There is no structure or boundaries to protect them.

I know it’s hard.  I know you are tired.  I know that it is just easier to let them have cake for dinner, go to sleep in your bed and throw rocks at the house. Trust me, in their heart they need to know that you are protecting them.  That’s why the boundaries are there.  That’s why they don’t get to play around the stove or run with scissors.  Similarly that’s why they need a nap and need to eat some fruit (shout out to my mom there).

I promise you that if your fence hold even in the hard times, both you and your kids will be happier and safer in the long-term.

But watch out, Newman might be deactivating the security system during a huge rainstorm and be trying to steal some dinosaur DNA.  If that happens, you are in trouble no matter what.

(If you haven’t seen the movie you are 100% confused.  Only 40% confused if you have)

Beautiful Exchange (Getting Ready for Easter)

We started a sermon series leading up to Easter called Beautiful Exchange.  Why is it called that, you may ask?  Because there is an incredible song out right now by Hillsong with that name that captures the message that we want to get across this Easter.  Here are lyrics to said song:

Beautiful Exchange

You were near, Though I was distant
Disillusioned I was lost and insecure

Still mercy fought, For my attention
You were waiting at the door, Then I let You in

Trading Your life, For my offenses
For my redemption, You carried all the blame

Breaking the curse, Of our condition
Perfection took our place

When only love
Could make a way
You gave Your life
In a beautiful exchange

My burden erase, my life forgiven
There is nothing, that could take this love away

My only desire, and sole ambition
Is to love You just the same

Holy are You God
Holy is Your name
With everything I’ve got
My heart will sing how I love You

Part of me feels like that anything that I would add to those lyrics would be pointless ramblings. (But that’s what you do best!  Hmm, if you think that then you have never seen me balance books on my head.)  These are powerful lyrics that describe quite well why we celebrate Easter.  Our sin has left has helpless and hopeless and dead, and then in a “beautiful exchange” we trade our death for Jesus’ death and his life for our life.

I really enjoyed our 1st week in the series yesterday (listen here) where we looked at a pivotal moment in the Gospel of Luke (read here) where Jesus shares with his disciples that he is going to be arrested and killed and then the Gospel says that “he resolutely set out for Jerusalem (Luke 9:51)”  He voluntarily and purposefully set out to die for us so that we may have life, demonstrating a deep and powerful love for us.

My favorite part of the day was that there was at least one person at the Grove Church yesterday that accepted that beautiful exchange yesterday and chose to give her life to Christ. Incredibly excited about her. My guess is that there were more than that.  Here also is what I believe, there are more to come.  There are people out there who are from God who desperately need Him.  They need to hear and believe.  You know what else? You know these people and they will come with you one of the next couple of weeks.  You just need to invite them.  We are going to provide an opportunity each week for everyone to hear the gospel and respond.

People want to come to church on Easter.  They want you to ask them, and come with them.  You want them to know Jesus, to make that exchange.  We have an incredible opportunity.  I’m glad that you are a part.

Trust God, Dream Big and Stop Sinning (Nehemiah Wrap-up)

We just finished 2.5 months of Nehemiah.  Thanks for all the good feedback on the series.  Nehemiah is an incredible book that tells a powerful story of an incredible leader and a nation trying to restore its relationship with God and break the cycle of sin.

I just wanted to take a moment and review all the different pieces of the story and what we learned from Nehemiah.

We first meet Nehemiah and we see an influential leader in Persia being called by God to rebuild the wall in Jerusalem.  The plight of his people broke his heart and he had to take action.  Follow the passions that God put on your heart and believe that God will do incredible things through your life. Way too often we settle for ordinary with God, and don’t believe that God even wants to do great things in our lives.

In Nehemiah, we see a man who was devoted to prayer.  He knew that the only way anything significant was going to happen was if God moved.  God moves through prayer.  However, he was also a very deliberate planner.  He wasn’t just one or the other.  He prayed and planned.  I’ve often heard it said that we should pray like it depends only on God, and work like it depends completely on us.  I don’t know that I like that, because even in our planning there should be a built-in dependence on God. So, we should pray like it depends only on God, and plan like the God of the universe is calling you to do it.

In the actual building of the wall, we see a lot of different people playing a role.  The job could never depend on one person.  People were focused on building their one section of the wall.  No one did anything spectacular on their own, but together they did something incredible.  When we each believe that God wants to use us and we all work together, we see God do amazing things.

However, in the middle of all of this we see a ton of opposition from the outside and struggles within.  Anything worth doing for God will find opposition and skeptics. Our success will depend on who we listen to.  We need to listen to God’s call on our life more than we listen to critics. We also need to take care to not be divisive.  What God has called us to is too important and significant for us to fight over little things. How big the things are that divide us depends on what we compare them to.  If God has called us to reach the world, just about everything else becomes fairly small.

After they rebuilt the wall, we see the greater work of rebuilding the people begin.  It begins with Ezra reading the Law to the people.  They respond with great sadness for their sins.  However, first the leadership wants the people to take time to celebrate.  They have been reconciled and brought back. They must rejoice.  We have to take time to celebrate the fact that we have a relationship with the God of the universe. It is a very serious thing to walk with God, but serious doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t celebrate.  We must celebrate.

Next comes the time to repent.  Sin is a big deal, and the Israelites realize that it is their sin that has separated them from God and they rightly respond with repentance.  Although God is gracious to us, we must realize that sin hurts us and offends God, and we must repent. Saying “sorry” is one thing, being sorry and changing is another.

After the time of repentance we see the Israelites desiring to make commitments to try and break the cycle of sin.  Sin-sorry-forgiveness…sin-sorry-forgiveness…and on and on it went.  They wanted to break that cycle, and so they pledge to not intermarry, to honor the Sabbath and to give sacrificially.  It takes great sacrifice on our part to see God do incredible things among us in the long-term.

In Nehemiah, we have a great leader, and as he is wrapping up this task, we see his leadership skills and those of the leaders he is leaving behind.  We see leaders taking initiative, doing what others won’t. The leaders are the ones to move to the new rebuilt city.  We also see a great party to celebrate and dedicate the wall.  The people are inspired, because that’s what leaders do.  Leaders inspire people.

You really do wish that the story could have ended there, but it doesn’t.  Despite their desire to not fall back into the cycle of sin, they quickly do and Nehemiah has to rebuke and correct them when he comes back to check on the people.  Regret and feelings last a little while.  We need to be people that desire long-term repentance.  This doesn’t happen quickly.  This comes when in our hearts we commit to doing what it takes to be the men and women God has called us to be.  We become a part of a community.  We are committed to God’s word and prayer.  We often reflect on the power and love of God demonstrated in the Gospel.

There is much to be learned in Nehemiah.  I’d encourage you to read the book (again, I hope).  Listen again to some of the sermons on the chapters that you most need to apply.  Let’s allow this time in Nehemiah to impact us not just for now, but for years to come.

How Did We End Up Here? (Nehemiah 10 preview)

Have you ever asked that question?  “How did we end up here?” or “How did I end up here?”  This is not a post about how guys don’t ask for directions or women can’t read maps.  (Gender stereo-typing.  Fastest way to make friends) Although, I could make some quippy metaphors about needing directions, being lost, but I won’t. (Sure. We’ll see.)

We wake up one day and we don’t like where our life is.  At one point, things were great with you and God.  You were growing spiritually.  Your family was strong.  You felt like God had a great plan for your life and you were following it. Then…here you are.  How did you get here?

Typically what we can do is decide that we want to do better.  We’ll stop the bad habit.  We go back to church.  We pray more.  We make good solid decisions to improve our life, in the present.  But what about the future?  What will keep us from going back to the dark place we were in?  How do we prevent that?

The way to do that is to ask “How did I get here?”  What did I do to start this?  What started me on this path?  What kept me from turning around?

Making surface changes are good for the short-term.  We need to dig deeper and find out what causes us to fall away.  Change those things as well.

Through the first 9 chapters of Nehemiah, we have seen the people rally together and build a wall as a symbol of renewing themselves as God’s people.  Then they celebrate the Feast of Booths to celebrate God’s deliverance from their exile.  Then we see them repent of their sins.  Those are incredible action steps that help turn the people toward God.

But now they are asking what got them here and how can they prevent.  They got here through their sin and God’s judgment upon them.  Their ancestors refused to follow after God and chose their own path.  They followed other gods, they neglected God’s temple, they didn’t pass their faith on to their children, they refused to be a light to the nations around them.

We will see in Nehemiah chapter 10 doing more than being sorry and trying to be better.  We will see them take some steps to help insure a long-term following after God.

They aren’t just asking for directions, they are learning how to use a map.

Parking

I decided to go with the least interesting blog post title ever.  Hopefully it’s lack of catchy title will be catchy enough to make you click on the link anyway.  Well, I guess you clicked on it anyway, so it worked for you.  So there you go.

This winter has been exciting at the Grove.  The Nehemiah series has been going well.  Miller and the Millerettes have been doing an incredible job leading us in worship.  We have seen a lot of new people coming to the Grove.  We started some new curriculum in the Greenhouse and our teachers have been doing a great job loving and serving our kids.  Thanks to everyone who makes our services possible and incredible.

But you know what they say, “Mo’ people, mo’ problems.”  (Wait. Who says that?  Well, you know, they do.  Who they?  Well, no one says that.  Leave me alone.)

I know I have said this before, but we need to think about where we park.  I had the owner of the used car lot next to us come and talk to me on Sunday after church.  We was very gracious, but also concerned.  He had a trailer that he needed access to and it was blocked in.  He kindly asked if we could no longer park in his lot.  I told him that we would do our best.  So, we are trying to get the word out.  We also are going to try and put cones out and block it.  (I was going to use cone as a verb.  Would that have been ok?)

Where should we park then?  If you want to be an All-Star, park on the north side of Braums.  (Sorry, I’m directionally challenged.  Which way is north?  If you don’t have a compass, just think the side that is closest to the Grove.  There’s a median, park on the Grove side of that median). The street behind the Grove is good as well.  There is no traffic on that street.  Park far down. Walking is good for you.

We want to reserve the best spots for new people and late people.  It’s a small thing that can make a big difference.  A new person can find a spot and we make our neighbors happy.

You know what they say, “There’s a special blessing for those that park inconveniently.”

Proud Dad

Would you be surprised if I told you that I don’t know how my posts are going to end when I start them?  What if I told you that I wasn’t even always sure what my “point” (funny, right?) is sometimes until I start writing? My guess is that’s not surprising.  If it is, I will introduce myself to you later.  We probably don’t know each other.

Anywho, as many of you know, my older daughter Maylee was in a play last week.  It was part of a community kid’s theater called Arts Live.  I was beyond impressed with the people there, the director of the play, the exec director of the group, the kids.  It was all very well done.

Obviously, I was most impressed with one of the actresses in particular.  I was so proud of her.  I was incredibly impressed with what a natural actress she was.  (You know, being dramatic at home is not the same as being a good actress.)  She did a great job.  You never would have known watching it that it was her first play, compared to some of the veterans that were there. (You may think I’m biased, and I am. If she hadn’t been good, I would have known, not told her and said nothing to you)

However, her acting ability is not what I think I’m the most proud of.  I have talked about her tenacity in continuing to audition after getting a couple of “no’s.”  That was both impressive and convicting.  In addition to that, I was impressed by the way she interacted with her fellow cast members (At first I put teammates.  That’s not right.  Playmates seemed weird).

Almost all of these other kids were in high school, which can very intimidating.  Also, some of them talked about things, that let’s say she’s not used to hearing.  That can be overwhelming.  However, she handled herself with a tremendous amount of confidence and grace.  She loved them and they loved her back.  I liked watching at a distance the way that they loved her and the confidence she showed.  She was the “nice one.”  Often in those kinds of environment, “nice one” can be weird one or too good for us one.

From all accounts, she loved them, was a good friend and shined as an example of sweet, godly character. (Is it just me or is the point developing now?)

“You are the light of the world,” Jesus said. To be the light of the world, you have to both shine and be in the world.  Too often, we avoid the world, letting our light shine on each other.  Or, we’re in the world and we don’t shine, because there is neither anything attractive or different about our lives.

As usual, my kids are teaching me as often as I teach them, and I’m very proud of that.

World Record for Sermon Application (Nehemiah 6 Follow-up)

My normal sermon routine is this.  While I am prepping for a sermon, I put my points together that I want to make.  At some point during the  week, something happens to me that shows me that the someone needs to preach the message to me.  My sin seems to creep up on me during the week leading to a sermon.

This week was different.  Nothing in particular interesting happened.  Well, I take that back.  I got violently sick late Sunday night and spent most of the day on Monday and Tuesday in bed.  However, that would have been a great illustration for a completely different sermon.

Anywho, instead of a pre-sermon exposing of my sin, it was a post-sermon exposing.  It wasn’t long after the service was over, in fact.  I do believe that it may have been a world record for the amount of time it took for me to try and apply my own sermon.

You see, in Nehemiah 6, Nehemiah is dealing with critics.  What I said is that we need to brush aside critics and not let them distract us from what God has called to do.  The goal of the critic is to stop you.  When you obsess over their criticism, you have, in fact, stopped.  Easier said that done.

Enter the critic Sunday afternoon.  You know, I have grown accustomed over the years to people challenging something I said.  I have also grown accustomed to people not liking my style of ministry and teaching.  I can appreciate that my style is different and difficult for some.  That’s why I’m glad that there are so many churches.  However, this was not a sermon tweak or an “I don’t get you.”  This was..well it doesn’t really matter what it was.  I don’t want to talk about it, because I don’t want it to be interpreted as a pity party or a backhanded way of seeking attention or compliments.

Suffice to say, what the person said hurt, badly. I let it bother me, for quite a while in fact.  Part of it was exhaustion.  (Did I mention that I had been sick? Also, did you know this was play performance week for Maylee?  Long, tiring week.)  Regardless, I did the opposite of what I was encouraging others to do.

I ultimately shook it off, but I do find myself asking whether there were some practical things that I could have done differently to shake it off sooner or not let it bother me at all.

In no particular order:

1) Don’t beat yourself up that it hurt.  Hurtful things hurt.

2) Understand that most critical people are hurting and need compassion from us.

3) Ask yourself, “What is the truth from this that I could apply?”  There is probably a nugget of truth there, which is why it hurts.

4) Pray for them

5) Read verses that show you how much God loves you.

6) Call a friend/family member and ask for encouragement. (Don’t be afraid to act hurt and needy.  You know, since you are hurt and needy)

7) Did I mention pray for them?

I could list a whole bunch of don’ts, but you’re doing them already and you know you shouldn’t.  OK, I’ll put one.  Don’t play out “the next conversation” in your mind.  It’s not worth it.  It’s obsessive.

Why yes I am preaching to myself.  Why do you ask?

Honesty, Transparency and Other Things Christians Shouldn’t Do (Nehemiah 4)

I heard from a handful of people yesterday that they appreciated me being honest and transparent during my sermon yesterday.  Yesterday, we talked about dealing with discouragement.  During that sermon, I admitted some particular struggles that I was having in that regard last week.  I had a high level of anxiety and frustration about the old house won’t sell thing.  I openly talked about it.

Apparently, honesty about struggles and being transparent while teaching is a rare thing.  It is rare enough that when it happens, we notice it. Unfortunately, it is quite rare.  Way too often, Pastors feel the need to put up a front that says, “While you people may struggle with this, I’m living ‘in victory.’” (Great churchy phrase, that one is)  Pastors should stop.  You’re not fooling many people, and those that you are, you are discouraging because they feel all alone.

I digress, because cloften.com is not blog for pastors.  Seriously, what pastor in his right mind would read this blog?  “Hmmm, where can I get some 2nd class jokes, inane ramblings and pointless pop-culture references to use in my sermon.  I know…”

The problem is that when pastors and leaders pretend to have it all together, we take our cues from them whether we know it or not.  We don’t think that they’re perfect (we are smarter than that).  However, we do mimic the behavior of pretending.  “If he pretends, so should I.”

Then what happens is that we don’t admit to anyone when we are discouraged, anxious or fearful.  We won’t admit it to people who can help us.  We won’t admit it to ourselves.  We won’t admit it to God, who would gladly give us peace, if we were to ask.

The first step toward dealing with trials and discouragement in our lives is to admit that they are happening.  Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?  However, if we never do that, we will never take the other steps we need to take–focusing on God, prayer, enlisting friends, etc.

If we fail to admit it, we could end up like this guy.  Come on.  Click it. You know you want to.

Grove Weather/Parking Update

Hey Everyone,

If you are reading this then you probably know that we are having both services at The Grove tomorrow.   Some people want to know if there is an official inclement weather policy.  If I were the kind of guy to have an official policy, it would be something like, “Unless it’s really bad, we are having church.  Even if it’s bad, we’ll probably still have one service.”  How’s that for official?

This is not our way of saying, “We don’t care how dangerous it is, you had better come to church.”  It’s more like, “Be safe out there.  If you can make it, we are here.”

If you haven’t been out, most of the main roads are doing great.  Some of the side roads still have gunk on them.  Drive slowly and you should be OK.  The Grove parking lot, on the other hand, is a bit of a mess.  We’ve been working this afternoon on it, and our pledge is that the walkways will be safe.  Outside of all 3 entrances will be clean.  We suggest that you drop your crew off at the front door and go park somewhere and be careful.  If you have kids, you can drop off kids at the back by the playground or the side door that we don’t typically use.  There will be guys in the parking lot to help you out. (If you want to be one of those guys, let me know)

Whatever you do, be careful.  We will be here at both services: 9:15 and 11.  Hope to see you there.

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