Resolution 2: Blog Again and Why I Stopped aka (One of) The Best Thing That’s Happened to Our Family

As none of you may have noticed, I quit blogging there for a while.  There are a few of reasons for that.  Some of which are not very interesting.  Most of the stuff that God has been teaching me has to do with how to be a better pastor from an organizational leadership perspective.  Seeing how you are not a pastor, you probably wouldn’t be interested in that.  I blog mostly from what is going on in my life and when I would sit down to write something, I would think “No one would be interested in that.” I know what you must be thinking (the 3 of you who have read this before), “Wait, your posts are supposed to be interesting?”

Honestly, I’ve also felt very stretched in my professional life and blogging got moved to the back.  I thought a couple of times about starting back, but I realized that I didn’t want to be a once every week and a half blogger, which is probably the best I could have done.  Decided it was better to wait until I could do it well.

Random leadership insight implied from previous paragraph:  Don’t do something new, unless you can do it well.  Don’t start something new until you are doing all the other things you’re supposed to be doing well.

Then in November something amazing happened.  God brought a baby into our home.  It was very sudden.  Not in a we didn’t know we were pregnant but still had months to think about it way, but a phone call go pick up a baby kind of way.  This is perhaps the most amazing thing that has happened to our family in a long time.  (I try to avoid superlatives.  When you live with 4, yes now 4 women, you have to be careful about things like, “You’re the best”  “You’re my best girl”  One thing about girls.  They are always listening and quickly and decisively filter what you say in ways that make you want to fake receiving a phone call and run from the room.)

Random Husband/Dad insight implied from that unintentionally sexist statement: Be careful what you say around your wife and daughters.  Your words matter. They are listening.  You can crush and inspire with each statement you make.

This precious baby has been in our home for almost 2 months now and is doing great and has completely and totally captivated each and every one of us.  There is a great chance that she will become part of our “forever family” (cute expression from adoption circles) and we couldn’t be more excited.  For those keeping score, that is a 14 year old, 11 year old and 2 month old.  In the meantime, we have to be discreet about talking about her publicly, showing pictures, etc.  This is a way to honor her and her natural family during a very hard time.

So again, you want to know what I’m thinking about.  Stuff I can’t really talk about with pictures I can’t show.  I would destroy this blog and eat the computer if it meant the safety, protection and honoring of this precious gift.

Random pastoral insight from previous paragraph:  Family first.   Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was family is important. What I said was: family first.  Do you understand?

(Fans of Ron Swanson should be thinking about bacon and eggs)

So the blog is back.  I will occasionally have coded things to say about the world’s best baby who, by the way, has slept 8 hours 2 of the last 3 nights.

Resolution: Read Through the Bible This Year

I really don’t believe in New Years Resolutions.  I just think that the beginning of the year is a great time to start new things, make goals and try and improve yourself.  New Years Resolutions are just silly and arbitrary.

Something that we are doing as a church and family is we are going to read through the Bible this year. (Wait, you didn’t know that? Weren’t you at church on Sunday?  You weren’t? Don’t worry. We are not one of those churches that is real judgmental about people not coming…as far as you know.)

I have read through the Bible before, if you haven’t, it’s worth giving it a go.  Why you may ask?

1) The Bible has some great stories and teachings that most people haven’t read

2) You will get a better sense for the Bible as a whole

3) You will get a great sense of accomplishment (You know that you’ve always thought it would be a good idea, but never got around to it)

4) God will speak into your life every day that you are reading his word.

Here are some different options for you:

http://www.esv.org/resources/reading-plans-devotions/

I am doing the “Every Day in the Word” option.  It has a little of the OT, NT, Psalms and Proverbs each day.  A few times a week, I’ll blog about what we’re reading (Yes, I’m blogging again this year. Tomorrow, I’ll talk about what happened and why), and teach a little through the Old Testament.  If you have any questions, you can email me and I can blog about that.  I really am hoping that a lot of people will make it their goal to make it through the Bible this year, and I want to do whatever I can to help you through (Especially when Leviticus hits).

Pick a plan, make the commitment and let’s do this together.

Dating Rules and a New Kind of Feminist

Well, Now What?

That is perhaps the most important question that should follow any sermon.  If what we have just heard and talked about doesn’t make any difference in our lives 5 minutes later, then we have wasted time. The hearing of God’s word should propel us to be different people, more like Jesus in what we do and in who we are.

We have spent the past four weeks talking about who God is calling us to be as a church.  We’ve summarized this into four words–Worship, Reach, Grow and Send.

God has called us to:

Worship him with our lives.

Reach people who are far from God.

Grow deep in our relationships with Him.

Send people into the world with the gospel.

Each week, we took a moment and talked about the “Now what?” Hopefully, there were a few different moments when you heard God nudge you:  “You need to do more than sing on Sunday. You need to worship me with your whole heart.”  “That person at work who is hurting, walk over to them and talk to them.”  “Spend more time in the Bible, hearing what God has to say to you.”  “Step out of your comfort zone and serve the needy in your community.”

Now that the series is over, I’d like to give you 3 more “Now whats.”  Three things that we as a church need to be committed to if we are going to see God move in a powerful way in our lives, our church, our community and our world.

1) Pray.  None of the incredible things that have happened at The Grove Church happened because of great planning.  In fact, much of it happened in spite of mediocre planning.  God has been moving.  We want to continue to see him move in our church.  We need The Grove body to pray.  Pray that God will reach the lost, grow us closer to him and send us out into the world.  This will take us all working together, but without God moving among us, it won’t matter.

2) Serve.  Find a place where God can you use your gifts, talents and passions.  You have a role to play.  God has placed you here, you specifically.  Don’t for one second believe that the mission that God has called us to will be achieved by the staff and a select few leaders.  It will happen when each one of us finds a place to serve.  So find a place on the Dream Team.  Serve in local ministries.  Take the gospel to an unreached people.  When we all “do the good works which He has prepared for us,” we will see God do something amazing. (Eph. 2:10)

3) Give.  I truly believe that the mission that God has given us as His church and His followers is worth giving your life to.  When God uses you to make a difference in the lives of other people, you will experience a closeness and fulfillment that maybe you never have before.  It is going to take each one of us, not only serving, but giving financially as well.  As God continues to reach more people through us, draws more families and students, the needs in the church will continue to grow.  The more people God sends out into the world, the more opportunities we will have as a church to support them.  That takes money.  Prayerfully consider what you are giving and join together with us to watch God change the world through us.

It is a privilege to serve alongside you.  These last 14 months have been incredible.  The next 14 years will be even more so.

Obligatory Cheesy Parenting Post on One of My Daughter’s Birthday

Can one of my daughter’s have a birthday and me not have some kind of sappy parenting post reflecting on how old they are getting?  Hmmm, no.

Our baby girl turned 11 yesterday. (Based on Lauren’s birthday party 11 is louder than 10. Boom! Dated, but still cool, reference! See below.)  Now that we have a soon to be 14 year old and 11 year old, I have officially turned into one of those guys.  You’re minding your own business, talking about your one year old and then I say, “You know, you’ll turn around one day and suddenly they will be 14.”  Yep, I’m that guy now.  Sorry.

It did happen very quickly.  I feel like I was paying attention.  I was there the whole time.  Then suddenly my 3 yr old and 6 yr old (that’s how old they are in my mind) are 11 and 13.

“So other than being sappy, what you got for us?”

1) Time is precious.  They will only be babies for a little while.  Toddlers for a little while.  Kids for a little while.

2) So make the most of it.  You will not look back in 25 years and think, “I wish I had watched more football” or “I wish I had taken a little more ‘me’ time.”  You will think, “I wish I would have sat on the floor and played more dorky games.”

3) Remember that them getting older is kinda the point.  You are raising them.  You are launching them.  Are you helping them become mature, godly adults? Or are they just getting older?

I love those girls so much, and somewhere there’s a “that guy” who wants to tell me that I’ll turn around again and I’ll be walking them down an aisle to marry some punk, that has a black-eye that I gave him.  I know, and I want to make the most of the time that I have in order to prepare them as best I can for those moments when they come.

Swimming in the Deep End

Lauren was just a little over a year and a half (turned 11 today) when her mom took her and her 4 year old sister to the neighborhood pool in Twin Chimneys where we had just moved.  She set Lauren down to get Maylee’s floaties set on her when she heard the big splash.  She turned around and Lauren had run and jumped in.  Now with her arms and legs flailing as fast as they could go, she is “swimming.”  Heidi quickly jumps in after her and pulls her out.  As she is pulling her out, Lauren is excitedly (Let’s not get confused here.  She was neither scared nor nervous this entire time.  Mom was.  Lauren was not.) repeating, “I swim. I swim. I swim.”

And so it was with Lauren Loften her entire life to date.  She always wanted to be able to swim, by herself, no life jacket, no floaties, nothing (Ultimately, Heidi had to make the decision to put the lifejacket on Lauren at the house, before we even got into the van to drive to the pool.  No chances.  She would have done it again.).  She also wanted to swim in the deep end.  She didn’t understand that rope and why other people got to swim on the other side of it and she didn’t.  Her goal, as with a lot of kids, was to swim in the deep end.

And why not?  It’s where everything is just a little bit better.  You can do more stuff.  You can dive, you can swim down to the bottom, it’s just better.

(Sudden shift) But what if everyone who was capable of  swimming in the deep end, exclusively swam in the deep end?  No one ever left and went to the shallow end.  What would happen?  No one new would ever learn to swim.  Experts could get better, but no one else would learn.  Who teaches new people to swim?  People who already know how.  (Wow, that is deep.  Is this going somewhere?  Yes.)

In part 3 of our vision series, we talked about how God wants us to grow.  He wants us to become more like his son, Jesus.  We want God to change what we believe and our character.  Ultimately, he wants to do this so that, like Jesus, we can lay our lives down for other people.  We are “blessed to be a blessing.”  We grow to help others grow.  We learn so we can teach.

I believe that God does want us to enjoy the “deep end.”  He wants us to have and enjoy all the benefits of being close to him.  He wants us to be strong swimmers so we can navigate the waves of life.  But in addition to all of that, he very much wants us to give our lives away to those who need help–physical, spiritual, emotional help.

There is something inherently selfish in the hearts of those of us who believe that we grow and draw close to God simply for our own benefit. He wants to GROW you so he can SEND (next week) you into the world, because he wants to change the world through you.

Philippians 2

Imitating Christ’s Humility

¹ Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Thinning Out the Middle

No, no, no this is not a weight loss post.  I could use a little thinning out in the middle, but this post will be a little more metaphorical than that.

We have now done 3 services for 2 weeks.  It has been a lot of fun.  It has, of course, also been tiring, but it’s definitely a good kind of tired.  Anywho, we weren’t really sure what the crowds would be like from service to service going into it.  We were pretty sure that 1st would be the smallest, but we didn’t know about the 2nd and 3rd.

Through 2 weeks, the first service has been about half the size of the 2nd service with the 3rd service being somewhat in between.  This last Sunday, we had standing room only at the 10:00 service.  That makes for great energy in the room, but doesn’t make for great opportunities for new people to find a good place to connect in the long term.  We want to keep making room for newer people.  Most new people will visit at 10:00.

So…we need to thin out the middle service and move to the outer services.  If you can make it to 8:30, please do.  It is certainly the earliest, and for the most people, the hardest one to get to.  If we can make room for newer, less engaged people at 10:00, by coming at 8:30, let’s do it.  11:30 is also a good option.  You can get some extra rest, have a leisurely breakfast/brunch and come to church at 11:30.

BTW, you guys have been doing a great job parking farther away and making space for newer people.  Kudos to you and the coolest people in orange vests, Grove Parking Team.

We are at an exciting time at The Grove Church where God is blessing us a ton, and we’re excited to see what happens next.  Thanks for making some small changes to make a big difference.

Balance and the Body–Why We Need Each Other

I have a confession to make.  I’m not a balanced person.  Another confession: I never will be.  My skills as a gourmet chef are really lagging behind my other ones.  I, as of yet, have not even begun my training as a luthier.  In fact there are quite a few things that I’m just terrible at.  Chef and luthier aren’t even the worst.  “What is, then?”  Hmm, haven’t given it a lot of thought, but I’ll go with Lasik Eye Surgeon.

There are a few things that I’m good at, there are some things I’m great at, some ok, some mediocre, some slightly above average, some slightly below average, some..”Get on with it!”  All that to say, I feel I’m pretty good at public speaking and teaching, however, when the time comes for laser repair on my eyes, I’ll go with someone else.

(Sidenote:  This will never happen.  Ever.  I don’t want your finger within 18 inches of my eye, much less a laser, while I’m awake.  Not happening.  When the day comes, I will wear glasses, not contacts, glasses.  I don’t even want my finger near my eye.)

Hey Captain Ramble, you getting anywhere today?  Maybe, just move that threatening finger away from my face.  Seriously, it unnerves me.  In the same way that I am unbalanced, most churches are unbalanced as well.  There are things that churches do well and things that they don’t do well.  While it is impossible to get me into balance in the over the top, tongue in cheek ways I’ve described, it is possible for churches to be balanced.

You see, a church doesn’t have to rely on one person or even a small group of people to be balanced.  We all have each other.  We all bring different skills, gifts and passions to the church.  When we all work together, God can use us to be everything he has called us to be as a church.

If your church is weak in something that you are gifted and passionate about, guess what that is not the pastor’s fault or the leadership’s fault.  It’s yours.  God put you in that church with those gifts and passions.  Use them, play your part in the body, your church.  Help your church be better by serving your church in that way.

“But Cloften, my church doesn’t let other people lead and do stuff.  They are very controlling.”  Welpst, there is really only one solution to that.  Punch them in the face and tell them it was from me.  (Just kidding?)  Even still, if you believe that God has called you there and God has impassioned you in this area, do what you can to be a part of the solution.

We, by this I mean me as well, spend a lot of our time complaining about what is and wishing about what is not yet.  We spend less time being used by God to make what is not, is.  (Sorry)  If you are at the Grove, we need you.  If you are somewhere else, I assure you, your church needs you as well.

Especially if you are a luthier.

Unravelling the Mystery of Billy Ocean and McDonalds

Sitting here with a little “live” blogging from McDonalds, which is funny because I have a meeting at Chick-Fil-A in an hour.  I hope I have enough time.  “Why? Why are you doing this?”  It is time to report on the great mystery that is Loverboy by Billy Ocean and the music list at the McDonalds on College in Fayetteville.  Not tomorrow, not next week, now is the time.

As I sat down, “He’s Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon was playing.  That’s perfect, because that is Number 1 on the playlist.  Yes, I have the whole playlist, and whether it makes me late to my meeting or not, I/we will sit here and make it through the whole list once.  It’s not that long, I probably won’t be late.  It’s just Miller and Gonzo anyway (staff guys).

YES! Number 2 is the song that started it all–“Loverboy” by Billy Ocean.  That “yes” was feigned surprise.  I knew it was next.  It’s next on the spreadsheet.  There is no randomness to this list.  It is the same every time.  I mean every time.  Does anyone else here even know? Does anyone else even care?

Number 3–“Falling in Love Again” by Eagle Eye Cherry.  I wonder how long it would have taken me to put this all together without being able to Google lyrics and the always handy Shazam app?  It took me a couple of visits and a handful rotations anyway, because of the number 8 mash-up, which I will explain in just a few minutes.  Without them I would have definitely needed my brother as I tried to write down as many of the lyrics as possible and tried to remember the tune.  Perhaps, I would have brought in a tape player (Boom! Dated reference!) and recorded it and played it for as many people as I could.  That’s old school cool, baby.

Number 4–“I Knew I Loved You” by Savage Garden. We are almost halfway there, and I feel compelled to explain what’s going on here for those that don’t track with my FB/Twitter posts on Sunday morning.

Every Sunday morning before church, I come to McDonalds on College, have a little breakfast and go over my sermon one more time.  The first week (after it reopened, I was going to the one on Joyce before that) I heard Loverboy by Billy Ocean.  I posted about it, because it seemed funny to me.  The next week I hear it again.  “What a coincidence!”  I posted about that as well.  Week number 3 and I hear it again, and I begin to understand that there is something foul at work here, not mere coincidence.  Wait…hold on…

Number 5–Don’t Hold Me Down by Colbie Callet (I like her.)

Anywho, I begin to realize that there are some other, less memorable songs that I seem to hear every week as well.  So I make a decision, as only someone infected with just a little OCD would, to come here one morning during the week when doing some computer work/study to sit in the corner and carefully listen to a couple of rotations.  What a day that was.  I wonder how many people noticed the idiot in the corner, who occasionally would stand up and try to stand right under a speaker, looking like a goob.  You see, their fancy drink maker that crushes the ice is very loud.  Also, people in the restaurant, not realizing that Science was happening would be talking.  Wait, here we go…

Number 6– “I Want to Get Lost in Your Rock n Roll” by Bob Seger.  (*Added later.  Apparently, this is wrong.  Sometimes you can’t trust Google.  The song is “Drift Away” by Dobie Gray.  My bad.  Thanks guys for sharing some of your OCD with me.) Some of you are very disappointed in me right now.  You think if any song should have stuck in my head it should have been this one.  Sorry, but Billy Ocean stands out much more.  Don’t judge me.

Ok, so people are talking, ice is crushing and I’m wandering around like a goob, trying to hear, hoping that Shazam can hear, which often it can’t, and I start compiling the list.  Number 8 continues to allude me.  I will have to come back another more quiet time.  This wouldn’t be a problem, because, you know, I’m here every Sunday.  I will win.

Number 7–“It’s Only Love” by Bryan Adams

Sidenote: Does any else even notice this?  Are the employees here slowly going insane?  They seem perfectly normal and nice.  I keep an eye on them and they seem fine. No noticeable changes week to week.  Maybe they can’t hear it.  One of the guys who cleans the dining room is over the top friendly.  I like him.  Maybe he’s hearing it?  Who knows?

What about the other customers?  Is anyone here long enough to notice it? Are people here with enough frequency?  Of course, it’s McDonalds.  The same people drink coffee here every day I’m sure.  That’s why McDonalds exists–Senior Coffee, well and addictive fries and Disney prizes in kid’s meals.

The infamous Number 8 mash-up--“A Moment Changes Everything” by David Gray.  Why mash-up?  Well, because you only here the first half of this song before it cuts off.

Sidenote: It’s disorienting to watch CNN with no sound and closed-captioning.  The pictures don’t match the words.

Then when it cuts off, the second half of Number 8 mash-up–“Already Home” by Marc Cohn plays.  You hear the first half of Gray and the second half of Cohn.

My theory is this, wherever this recording of songs originates, there is a scratch, glitch, something in the recording.  There are in fact supposed to be a large number of songs, but it skips from the middle of song 8 to, say the middle of song 35 or something like that.

And we are back to Number 1–“He’s Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon.  Less than 30 minutes and we’ve heard them all.

So what are some potential action steps?  I could mention it to a manager.  But why would I do that?  They might would fix it and then where would I be?  I’m convinced that I can’t preach if I don’t here Billy Ocean.

I could when I order say, “If I can predict the next song, will you give me my order for free?”  I’ll keep you posted.

Worship–What It Is(n’t)

We started our (most likely to be) annual series on the vision and mission of the Grove.  (Ok, we need to decide this.  Is it the Grove? The Grove? the Grove Church? The Grove Church?  Does it matter?)

We want our church to be centered around four words:

Worship, Reach, Grow and Send

We worship God with our lives.  We reach people who are lost.  We grow deep in our relationship with God. We send people into the community and world with the love of God.

The foundation of those four words/ideas is the first one–worship.  Religious activity and doing the right thing can be empty gestures.  We want to make sure that the foundation of all that we do is our love and devotion to God.  That’s what worship is, the expression of our love and devotion to that one person or thing that we value above all else.

The question that we need to ask ourselves is what do we worship?  No, no, no.  I’m not asking what you’re supposed to say.  What do you really worship?  “But I sing to God every week at church.”

Worship isn’t singing.  Worship can involve singing if our hearts and minds are engaged with what we are singing.  My guess is that a lot of us sing along with songs in the car, but we don’t mean what we say (Think singing along to 80’s songs.  “Can’t stand the thought of you with somebody else, gotta have your tenderness, all to myself.”).

Worship on Sunday happens when we believe and feel what we are declaring to God with our songs.

Worship the rest of the week happens when we demonstrate with our lives that God is first.  How do we spend our time? What consumes our mind? Where and how do we spend our money?  Who or what is most important?

We can all agree, I’m supposing since you clicked the link to come here, that the answer should be God.  We need to take the necessary steps to make what we think should be true, actually be true.  How do I need to differently prioritize my time?  Do I need to be surrendering my finances to God?  Do I need to change what I think about during the day?

God is calling us to be used in the lives of people, but first and foremost we need to be fully devoted worshippers of God.  This is who God is calling tHe GrOvE ChurCh to be.

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