Giant Curveballs, Control Issues, Closure and Forgiveness

There may be a conspiracy afoot.  The conspiracy is out to derail my productivity.  Well, that may not be entirely accurate.  The conspiracy I believe is against my particular plans and my definition of productivity. Furthermore, it is most likely targeting my need to control.

I had a great plan.  I mean a great plan.  We were going to sell our house in late May or June, move into a house in Fayetteville and be “settled” by August 1st when I started the new job.  That plan was demolished and we moved into an apartment 3 days ago.  Apartment living with 2 pre-teen girls sharing a bedroom is interesting(?), challenging(?), exhausting(?), awesome(?).  Whatever it is, it is not consistent with productivity.  I have a lot to do.  Becoming the lead pastor of a church right before school starts gives one a to-do list of epic proportions.  When life is so chaotic that you can’t even make the list, much less start executing it, even a low control guy such as me can start to get the shakes.

However, Monday was going to be different.  The first official workday.  Get up, leave the apartment (sadly of course), and go get it done.  Chick-Fil-A has free wi-fi and I have a sweet new MacBook Pro.  So we are in business.  Then the afternoon before, I get a phone call.  There are hundreds of people I would have expected to hear from before this person.  (This enters the intentionally vague portion of the program).  This person wounded me pretty deeply a few years ago.  I worked for restoration and never really got it.  Through Jesus and his love for me, I found legitimate forgiveness for him.  No bitterness.  No residual anger, but nothing close to a restored relationship.  He didn’t (at the time) want it.

Then at the least opportune time it would seem, he calls and we are going to have breakfast the next morning.  He left me plenty of opportunities to say no.  “I’m sure that you are still busy” (Yes) “You’ve got a lot to do” (Yes) “and you don’t have time” (Yes).  How do I say no? Answer: I don’t.  I can’t.  I have my plan.  God has his.

At first, we are chatting like nothing has ever happened, which is fine.  Whatever God has planned and whatever this guy has planned is great.  Then he starts reflecting on the past, apologizing for stuff, and expressing a desire to reconnect.  I’m blown away.  We have a great conversation, and it might be fair to say that we are friends again.  I don’t know what to say or think.

God has his own time table and plan.  I had an idea about what “needed” to happen this morning and God had another.  I had an idea about when this relationship would be restored, and God had another.  My heart needs to be ready for what God has for me.  Is my heart ready to forgive? to restore relationships? to respond to his priorities in my life?  Or do I have a closed heart that is focused on my ideas and plans and can’t sense what God may be up to in my life?

I want to be the person that can release what I want and think I need for what he wants for me.  But if it’s all the same, I would like to get my to-do list going.  However, there is nothing, nothing, that will happen today as significant as what already has.

3 Defining Words–(Some) Characteristics of a Healthy Church Part 2

If ever a list were made of the top ten words that are most overused at church (and I just may), this word that helps define healthy churches would most likely be at the very top.  By the way, at the bottom?  Apothecary.  I want to use a different word, find a good synonym, but this is the best word to describe what I mean.  Since it is overused, it is therefore often misused.  I will, unfortunately have have to devote some time to what I don’t mean by the word.  Wow Cloften, could you please put in a few more vague disclaimers before you tell us what the word is?  No I will not.  Here is the word.

Relevant

(Yeah, dude.  That word is overdone.  You should have given more disclaimers) 

What do I mean by relevant?  Relevant means that it matters to people’s lives.  What we say and do in church makes a difference in the way that people live.  Maybe applicable is a good synonym.  Being relevant answers the “so what?” question.  Something can be true but irrelevant (Most American car horns honk in the key of F).  When we teach the Bible, we want what we teach to be relevant.  It needs to produce life-change (#7 on the list).  One might think that this is the same as contemporary (#2 on the list), but it’s is not.  Contemporary typically speaks to doing programs, worship, etc. in a way that is similar in style to the culture (#5 on the list).  While that is something that churches that I lead do, it is not the same.  Your church can be contemporary in style, but irrelevant in content.  Your church can be traditional, but relevant in content.

“Easy heretic.  The Bible is always relevant.”  It sure is.  The question is why do we sometimes teach the Bible as if it isn’t.  I think you have to try really hard to not be relevant, but we do it.

Here is an example:

If I told you that in the time that Revelation 3:14-22 was written that Laodecia had no direct access to hot or cold water, that would be true but so what? 

I’ll go a step further.  If I told you that they had to pipe in water from outside the city and by the time it got to them it was lukewarm water which was nasty, would that be relevant?  What if I told you that they hated that water, because it was too warm to drink and not hot enough to be used for hot baths?  Would that make you a better Christian?  Would that draw you closer to God? 

One more step further, since all of that is true, then we can know that in Revelation 3:15-16 when Jesus says he wishes they were hot or cold and not lukewarm, he’s not saying that hot is good, cold is bad, lukewarm is worse.  He is saying cold is useful, hot is useful, lukewarm water is nasty.  I still haven’t been relevant.

Relevant comes when I then in some way try to explain to you that when we sit around and become stale and useless, we become repulsive to God.  We were designed to be used by God.  How is God using you? What is your purpose?.  All the way up until I said that, what I was saying was true, perhaps insightful, it was also helpful in understanding a passage of the Bible, but it was not yet relevant.  However, if we come up short in our teaching, small groups, community (#9), ministries in helping people see how their lives need to be different, we are not helping people.  Life with God becomes an academic exercise, not one where God is changing our lives.

We need to be a church that is helping people become real (#4), authentic (#3) followers of Jesus Christ, where is he is changing people every day.  We must be relevant.

3 Defining Words–(Some) Characteristics of a Healthy Church Part 1

OK, this is going to be a little risky.  Anytime you start talking about characteristics of a healthy church or church values, there is always one more.  There is one that is the “most important” and “I can’t believe you left that one out.”  Then the discussion gets hijacked.  So here is what I would like to do.  I would like to start with a basic definition of what makes a church and then talk about some specific characteristics of what I believe make a healthy church.  Ok? Ok.

A church:

1. Primarily exists to bring honor and worship to God and secondarily to love people (the great commandment)

2. Believes that the Bible is God’s word

3. Trusts in Jesus alone for hope, life and salvation

4. Depends completely on the Holy Spirit to lead and guide and bless

5. (That one thing that’s really important to you that I forgot)

I know that not all churches hold to those, but these are what make a church, evangelical if we must have a category.  Go to 100 churches in 100 weeks and 90+ of them will believe and value those.  Yet some churches are growing and healthy and others struggle.  There are a lot of different ways to do church, different programs, leadership styles, etc., and many (most, all?) of those can be very effective.  However they can all be quite ineffective as well. 

After a less than great experience at a church in St. Louis, an amazing experience in Cabot, and talking, interacting and learning from some of the top church planters around, I have come to believe that there are certain characteristics of churches that make churches grow, be healthy and thrive.  To repeat the disclaimer, this is not an exhaustive list.  These are simply three that echo loudly in my mind.  We will tackle them one at a time.

Friendly

Great churches love people.  They especially love people who are brand new.  They mostest especialliest love people who are new and far from God.  When new people walk in, that church very quickly does everything that they can to make that person not feel new.  The church lets them know that they are wanted and are invited to be a part of that family.  There are no strangers, no outsiders, no lonely people at this church.

How do you know if your church is friendly?

1. The members leave the best parking spaces for new people.

2. New people have been greeted, welcomed, shown around, multiple times before the service starts.

3. You have a hard time starting on time because people won’t stop talking in the cafe, lobby, back of the worship center, etc.

4. The “meet and greet” just won’t end.

5. The person that has to lock up the building never gets to eat lunch at a reasonable time.

6. Everyone, not just the greeters and ushers, welcomes and meets new people.

7. New people come back.

It is troubling the number of churches that say they want to grow but seem to resent at worst,and are  indifferent at best to new people.  But not your church.  Your church loves people.  It greets everyone.  It creates a welcoming environment for everyone, visits people in the hospital, surrounds people that are hurting.  Your church loves people.  At least it can, starting now.

August 1st is Coming, AKA Help Me!

Wow.  We are moving in 8 days.  It really is hard to believe.  It has been an amazing four years at Fellowship Cabot.  I have learned so much about being a pastor and leader.  It has been overwhelming.  As I look to make this transition, I’ve been trying to categorize and put into words what I believe God has taught me about church and what it means to lead a church.  Over the next days, weeks and months that vision will come out in blog posts, sermons, staff meetings, and random meetings at various coffee shops around Northwest Arkansas. 

In the meantime, I am overwhelmed by how close August 1st is.  In a short few days, I start a new job and an incredibly opportunity to lead a great group of people and prepare for another God adventure.  I am “pre-working” over these next few days to get ready, and I need your help.

Everyone

Please pray that our house will sell quickly.  We’re moving into an apartment until our house sells.  We believe God has a great plan for us, the people he wants to have our house, and has prepared a house for us in Fayetteville.  On the other hand, this is stressful.  I know many of you have been praying.  Please keep doing so.

Those who don’t live in NWA

Everyone seems to know someone who lives in Fayetteville or NWA.  If you do and they don’t have a church home, let them know about the Grove Church.  www.thegrovechurch.org  We are going to be spending August getting to know each other and talking about what kind of church we want to be and what we hope to see God do in and through us.  That would be a great opportunity to get to know us and be a part of what God is doing. 

If you know a student at the U of A, same thing.  We want lots of college students to be a part of the Grove and hope that God will continue to use as to reach and minister to U of A students.

If you live in Fayetteville or NWA and don’t go to the Grove

If you are not connected to a local church there, you can imagine what I’m going to say to you:  “see you soon.”  Come August 1st and say hey, check us out.  God is doing cool things at the Grove and will continue to.  I would love to have you be a part.

If you are connected to a local church, the invite gets a little trickier.  I would still love to see you one Sunday.  Come by and say hi.  We would, of course, love to have you, but we don’t want to be known as a recruiter from other churches.  There are so many people in Fayetteville and NWA that are not connected God and/or to church and those are the people that we want to reach.  Many of you I have been friends with for years, and I would love the opportunity to partner and minister with you at the Grove. 

On the other hand, I do not want to take you from a church where God is using you and blessing your family.  One of the best things that happened to me in Cabot is having friends and fans at other churches.  We want to partner with other churches in reaching people.  We are all on the same team.  If all you do is love us, pray for us and our churches can work together, then that would be great.

If you go to the Grove.

Pray, pray, pray.  The Grove is a great church and is doing some great things.  I believe he is going to build on that.  We are going to be a church that is reaching people who are far from God, strengthening believers, and launching missionaries around Fayetteville, NWA and the world.  You have a role to play in that.  You are going to be hearing all throughout August opportunities to be used by God to help us move forward.  God wants to use your talents and passions to reach and serve people.  Be praying now that God will show you what your part is.

Wow.  10 days and I will be preaching my first official sermon at the Grove as pastor.  Please be praying.

Stuff I Learned After 3 Weeks of Nothing

I have some serious blog posts in my head, and they will come later this week.  However, to attempt that would be like not exercising for a month and then running a marathon.  (See, that analogy is terrible.  I cannot be held responsible for the quality of this blog post).  So, in order to stretch the writing, thinking, doing stuff muscles, I will start with something that I’m labelling as rambling, and thus it would be impossible to be disappointed.

In no particular order:

1. Back episodes of LOST are perhaps even better watching them again after you know the ending.  Netflix recently began streaming movies through the Wii, which is great for me now, and will be problematic starting August 1st.  The movie selections for what you can stream aren’t great, but they have a ton of TV shows, and I have been cranking out LOST episodes like a loser sitting in his recliner with nothing to do (Wait, nevermind).  I have to take back what I have said for a couple of years, which is that the creators didn’t know how it was going to end when they started.  They clearly did.  It is hard to find any inconsistencies, plenty of mysteries to be sure, but not inconsistencies.  They clearly had to make some adjustments.  It’s hard to involve a boy that gets older every year, while the timeline of the show is not moving that quickly, for example.  I will post some lingering questions when I’m finished.  (I’m too embarassed right now to share with you how close I am after just under three weeks)  Too start, here is the biggest:

Seriously, what was the deal with Nikki and Paulo and why should I care?

2.  My girls are seriously interested in anything that I am. The current example is their interest in LOST.  Most kids don’t care what “we” are doing as long as “we” are doing it.  (You knew at points in the ramblings, this would get preachy)  Just do something with your kids, together, they will love it.

3.  I associate blogging and social networking with work.  Both of those things are a lot of fun to me but when I shut the brain off from work, I essentially shut those off as well.  I have still gotten on FB and Twitter some, typically one post a day, Conan O’Brien style.  I have not blogged in a long time.  I love it, but it felt/feels like work.  In fact, I am 3 movie reviews behind. 

4.  I feel pressure that my kids make a good impression in their favorite sport when we move.  Maylee loves basketball and wants to play for her school some day, same for Lauren and soccer.  It’s hard though when no one knows you to “get in” to a sport in a new town.  So we have been doing drills in the morning and then running sprints.  (Yes, I run the sprints with them.  Leave me alone.  I have not completely atrophied)  Maylee has started shooting a basketball the right way and Lauren complained about her quad hurting from all the “hop and loads” she has been doing, so success.  If you would like an opportunity to beat our records at the dribbling, bball or soccer, obstacle course, let us know.

5.  The pressure that comes from not selling your house is a lot easier when you are not at that house.  We have gone to Mt. Home, Branson, Fayetteville, and Lake of the Ozarks in the last few weeks.  (I never tweet about trips as they are happening any more.  You know that urban legend about someone robbing you because they read you were out of town on Facebook?  Yeah, it happened to someone I know that lives less than a mile from me.  They stole his kidney too.  Ok, I made up the last part) So, we are out of town and loving life, and not too worried about the house, but we start making the drive and we see the house and something clicks.  It’s like Debbie Downer lives there.  Further thoughts on the house still being unsold later this week.

6.  I really am looking forward to being in Fayetteville at the Grove.  I will probably list this out this week too, but I am excited about the people, the area and the vision that God is calling us to.  See you guys again soon!

It’s good to back with you all, more to come this week including movie reviews including: why I still don’t like Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz and perhaps the best Pixar movie ever.

Offloading Your Kids, Early and Often

We met my parents at Fergusons restaurant near Marshall for lunch on Saturday.  They then took our girls back to Branson for a few days.  It’s been about 36 hours now and this is when I really start to miss them.  They say they miss me, but water slides and roller coasters tend to make my girls forget that they even have parents.  I digress, as always.   We have done this a lot over the last 12 years, not the meet at Fergusons, but the offloading of kids to grandparents for days of eating bad, partying hard, and sleeping rarely.

Being at Fergusons reminded me of one of the first times that we did this.  Maylee was 2 and Lauren was still internally attached to her mom.  We met my folks there and we had not told Maylee that she was leaving with Mimi and Rowr (my parents).  She had spent the night with them before and been fine, but we didn’t know how she would react to know in advance, so we said nothing.  After lunch (It might have been a late breakfast.  Does that even matter?), we walk outside.  Maylee gets ahead of all of us, opens Mimi’s car, sits in the back middle seat, buckles herself with the lap belt and then doesn’t make eye contact with anyone.  We all start laughing.  She has this look on her face that says, “I don’t know what you think the plans are, but I am going wherever the people in this car are going.”  Lucky for us, that was the plan.

From the time both of our children were little, they have had no anxiety about spending the night or a week with either sets of grandparents, other family friends, going to camp, whatever.  They both are very adventurous and brave.  A summary of your likely reactions :

1) “You evil ogre of a father.  You left your kids with other people over night at age 2?  You should be ashamed”  It’s worse than that.  They were both 15 months when we first did that, as soon as they were no longer externally attached to their mom (We’re all adults here, right?).

2) “I’m so jealous.  I can’t get my spouse to agree to stuff like that.”

3) “You are so lucky.  My kids would never do something like that.”

I have heard all three of those reactions.  People have said, in one form or another, all of that to me.  Here is what I believe–whether or not spending the night away from parents is scary to a kid is almost exclusively a function of the parents’ attitudes.  Little kids think that anything that is new is scary.  Anything that is different is scary.  Anything that is unknown is scary.  It is our job to tell them what is our is not scary. (I have talked about this before, with regard to speaking to adults and roller coasters.  See here.) 

Be honest, it is you that are scared to leave your kids with family for a couple of days.  It is you that gets nervous when you drop your kid off at their class at church.  Right?  “No Cloften, you big judgmental jerk.  You should see how scared they get when I drop them off.”  Of course they do, they are feeding off of you.  You tell them that they are going to have fun, that you love them and walk away.  Then, they have fun and are significantly less anxious the next time.  Hopefully you will be too.

Now I know that even the most confident of kids will go through some separation anxiety.  Some day I will tell you about the time when toddler Lauren literally tore down the walls in her class (It was a make-shift hallroom class made of temporary walls.)  You know what fixed it?  Consistently dropping her off with no drama from us, never going to “check on her” (which translated means, calming my own nervous heart), and lots and lots of Teddy Grahams.

In what I want for my girls, closely behind passionate love for God, respect and kindness, is confidence.  I want my girls to believe that they can go through life, depending on God and believing confidently that they can be and do whatever it is that God has called them to be.  I never want their fear and insecurity to hold them back.

There are some things that are scary.  Snakes–scary.  Dudes in trenchcoats with candy–scary.  Life–not so much.

A-Team Movie Review

Went to see A-Team yesterday.  I wasn’t planning on seeing it but Heidi was out with the girls and some of their friends and there was a showing on the house.  I was going to see Shutter Island at the dollar theater, but it must have ended on Thursday.  Anywho,  A-Team stars Qui-Gon/Oskar Schindler/Rob Roy/Aslan as Hannibal, that scary MMA guy, no the other one, as B.A. Baracus/Mr. T., that dude that I know from Alias, but some of you know from the Hangover as Face, and some dude that they grabbed off the street as Murdoch.  It also has that girl from 7th Heaven who is now famous for being famous as the stereotypical wet-blanket female lead in an action movie and Rick Simon from Simon and Simon (Boom! Dated reference).

Expectations: My expectations were pretty low.  I loved the A-Team growing up and Hollywood does not have a great track record of remaking 80’s classics.  On the other hand, it has Liam Neeson which means there is a 99% chance that the movie will be great (I would have said 100, but I recently saw Clash of the Titans).  So, all put together I’m thinking better than G.I. Joe, probably about as good as Scooby Doo.

Reality: Dude.  No really, DUDE! I could not have been more wrong.  That movie was incredible.  Perhaps it was because my expectations were so low, but a few hours later I looked at Heidi and said, “I can’t get over how good that was.”  Heidi, as always, humors me.  The action sequences were very good.  They took what made the TV show great and brought it to the big screen very well.  The four main characters were cast very well.  Liam Neeson is, of course, amazing.  Bradley Cooper did well as Face.  Rampage Jackson did a great job of being a scary B.A. without jacking Mr. T’s style.  That dude that was Murdoch was hilarious.  He may have launched a career, but it would be hard for me to imagine him as a non-insane character.  It’s essentially their back story, which sets us up, I hope for some sequels.  I cannot recommend this movie enough, if you like fun action movies.

Appropriateness: In contrast to the TV show, there is some language.  There are no F-bombs and there is not a lot of it, but there is some language.  Also, in contrast to the show, people do actually get hit by the large quantities of bullets that get shot.  Obviously, there is some violence but nothing particulary gory.  I would take my teenager to it.  Well not mine.  First I don’t have one, and the one that almost is one does not like action movies.

Rating: (Here is the system)

See it in the theater and will definitely own

See it in the theater and might own

See it in the theater and will likely rent it

See it in the theater and be done

See it at the dollar theater

Rent it

Avoid it.

I rate it a see it in the theater and will definitely own it.  Anybody want to go see it again?  Seriously.

Selling Houses and the Will of God

My history with selling houses is well-known.  For those who don’t know, we have moved twice when needing to sell a house, once from Conway, AR to Colorado for seminary.  The second was from St. Louis here to Cabot, AR.  When moving to Colorado, our house sat empty for almost 6 months before it sold.  When moving to Cabot, we did a little bit better.  The house only sat empty for a little less than 5 months before it sold.

I don’t know if you have ever been in that kind of a situation before.  You may be one of those people with those stories of how you sold your house in an hour for a more than full price offer.  If you are, I’m not sure this post is for you. You can wait for the “People That Annoy Me” post (just kidding…mostly).  If you’ve been in this situation before, you know that it can become quite a serious time of theological reflection.  Our house is on the market for the third time as we prepare to make a move.  We are far from the theological crisis time, but this topic is just on my mind now as we try to sell our house again.

Here are the choices that most people have:

1) I must be making the wrong decision.  If this move were God’s will, my house would have sold.

2) God is punishing me because I am in some kind of sin.

3) God is trying to teach me something.  As soon as I learn it, the house will sell.

Let’s see if we can break these down and still keep this to the size of a blog post.  The first option, I believe, is a very dangerous theological perspective to have.  I evaluate whether or not I am making, or made,  the right decision based on if my circumstances are working out well, i.e. the way I want them to.  There are many times that Paul followed God’s call on his life and ended up beaten, shipwrecked, emprisoned, etc.  Following God is not a guarantee that everything is going to go smoothly.  In fact, often the opposite is true.  The path that God calls us to is often riddled with trials.  You have to do the work of prayer and discernment on the front end, asking God if this is the right move, change, etc.  Then you have to move forward with confidence, because very often difficult circumstances await.

The second option is a little difficult.  I certainly am not going to say that there is no way that you are experiencing a trial because of sin in your life (I’m not going to say you are, either).  Evaluating yourself and your sin is a great idea.  Asking God if there is any sin that is damaging your relationship and keeping him from blessing you–also a good idea.  One note of caution, if God can only bless us if we have no sin in our life, you know who is in trouble?  That’s right.  All of us.  Sometimes our sin can bring judgment in our lives.  Deal with it, if that is the case.  However, don’t assume that every obstacle in your life is connected to sin.

The third option, I have ranted on before.  It in fact, kicked off the Stuff Christians Should Stop Saying series (see here).  What I was not saying then and don’t what to say here is that trials, don’t exist (at least in part) so that God can teach us something.  God was definitely teaching Paul dependence on Him.  Joseph learned a lot about humility in a pit, as a slave, in prison.  Here is the thing, God is always teaching us and refining our character.  However, most of the things that God is teaching and shaping in us, aren’t things that we “learn” as if it were Algebra.  When do you “learn humility?”  I am learning about humility.  I will never “learn” it as if I have completly conquered that issue, just as I will never learn patience and dependence on God.  God will be refining me in that area for the next 50 years of my life.  God is teaching us during trials.  The danger comes when we believe we can learn our way out of a trial, as if we are in control.

Maybe you have made a wrong decision and that’s why things are going badly.  Maybe your sin has caught up with you.  Maybe God is using this as an opportunity to refine a major area of character in your life to prepare you for something great.  But, it may just be that we live in a fallen world where bad stuff happens.  I believe that we, read I, spend way too much time worrying about why and not near enough time listening to God and learning to trust and depend on Him. 

What if we took all of the energy that we wasted stressing about “why” and turned that into prayer, reading and studying about Joseph and Paul who went through worse trials than most of us?  What if we took that time to connect with God’s Son, Jesus who endured the worst of trials so that we could have life in him?

I’m Begging You, Say Something Meaningful (A Brief Political Rant)

I know that I have said many times that I don’t like to get into a lot of politics.  It’s not that I shy away from controversial things, it’s just that what the Bible says is controversial enough.  I certainly don’t want anyone to think that my public endorsement of a candidate or party represents the church, or certainly not God.  I know that seems spineless to you activists out there.  If you say something ugly on the comments, I might turn the why of those comments into a full blown blog post.

On the other hand, I am a political junkie.  I have a handful of web sites that I check regularly that are all over the spectrum.  I cross pollinate that with some talk radio and poltical TV that crosses the spectrum as well.  If you looked at what I watch, read, listen to, etc. you still couldn’t guess my affiliation, if there is one.  However, I know that you can guess my poltical affiliation.  I agree with you, because don’t all reasonable, good-hearted, intellectual people agree with you? (Wow, I have already ranted 150+ words and haven’t even gotten to the topic)

I am fed up with the poltical rhetoric.  I hope that we get a small reprieve between now and the campaign this Fall.  People running for office will say some of the stupidest, vaccuous things.  Then we cheer like crazy people as if they have said something valuable.  An example:

Washington is broken.  It is time to tell Washington that the government serves the people.  Lobbyists, Washington insiders and the special interests have taken over.  Now is the time for the people to tell all of them that this is our country.  We have to put petty partisan politics aside.  I will reach across the aisle and set aside partisan bickering to do what is best for the American people.  Let’s send a message to Washington and the special interests that “we the people” are taking our government back.

You know who says that?  Everybody.  That was actually a pretty good political commercial that I wrote there in about 45 seconds (the time it took to type it).  Arent you inspired?  Aren’t you ready to vote for me? 

Does it really matter what my party affiliation is?  Does it matter how I will vote?  No, it doesn’t, because we are taking back Washington from the special inter…blah blah blah, shut up.  I would love to just rant about how politicians should stop talking in empty sound bites, but do you know why they talk that way?  Because people want to hear that.  We let them get away with it. 

Here’s something crazy.  Let’s evaluate candidates based on what they believe and how they will vote, rather than whether or not they say they are going to “stand up to the special interests.”  (Psst.  Let me tell you a secret.  Everything is a special interest.  Every cluster of people or individual has interests that are unique, read special, to them.  When a politician says he is going to stand up to special interests, they mean the people that have interests with which they disagree.  Meanwhile, truckloads of money of the groups that are eSPECIALly INTERESTed in their views will find their way to the campaign.) 

There are certain values that you have.  There are certain issues that are important to you.  Find out which candidate is most closely aligned to those values and vote appropriately.

If not, Big Business, Big Tobacco, Big Pharmaceuticals, Big Momma’s House, Big Lots, Wall Street, Sesame Street, Special Interests, .38 Special will win.  Then who will fix Washington?

(Thanks, I feel better now)

Calling Your Daughter “Dorkface” and the Need For Therapists

Earlier this week, the Morning Rush on B98.5 in Central Arkansas (listen live here) did a segment on nicknames that you have for your kids or a nickname that you had as a kid.  As some of you may know, I am prone to texting in to this radio program on occasion.  I like saying funny things and then people hear them.  (That’s one of the main reasons I blog)  Well, I texted in some of the numerous nicknames that I have for my girls:

Maylee: Pip, Pipperpants, Sissy. Lauren: Lou, Squeak, Gooberfish, Dorkface.

As this was read on the air, the host comments, “Well, there’s a couple of dollars into the therapist’s jar.”  It was especially funny to me that she would say that, since I talk about my girls’ future therapists all the time.  Just last week I said, “When you are talking to your therapist in the future, try to remember that I sat and watched an iCarly movie with you.”  I even referenced my girls’ future need for a therapist on cloften.com last week here. 

Anywho, what kind of dad would call his daughter Dorkface?  Aren’t you legitimately setting her up for a therapist?  Here’s the thing, though.  She is a dork.  So am I.  She wears that nickname as a badge of honor.  She doesn’t want to be “regular.”  She never has (good thing too).  We are dorks together, being who we are.  She’s not what a little girl is “supposed to be,” and her dad is not a “regular pastor.”  We are not trying to be rebels and be different for different sake.  We are just being who God has uniquely designed us to be.

Sometimes it is hard to embrace different in your child.  Often when that baby girl or baby boy comes out, we can close our eyes and imagine what he or she is going to be.  We map their lives out.  If we had such a plan with either of our girls, they shattered them many, many years ago.  We strongly believe that God designed our two precious girls and that he has a great plan for them to be used by him for their whole lives.  Our role is to help shape their values, character, point them to God, and then someday get out of the way and watch God use them to change the world.  One of them plans to be an actress/boutique owner and the other a cake designer/comedienne.  Well, ok then.

Am I messing my kids up and giving them fodder for future therapists? Sure, we all are.  But it is not from embracing my girls in how they are different, loving who they are, and being good enough friends with them to tease them. 

Loving my little Dorkface is reducing that bill not adding to it.  Now, you call her that, and I might take you out.  Don’t make me get all “Papa Bear” on you.  That’s my nickname, BTW.

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