Who Is Asking You Tough Questions?

October 21, 2010 by cloften  
Filed under Family and Parenting

I am about to go head to week 2 of a group of men, accidentally named Men of the North.  That was the title of an email I sent to all the men of the church, specifically directed to guys that work in the northern part of NWA.  You know, those fancy guys that work at Wal-Mart and J.B. Hunt.  If that is you, and somehow the invite has missed you, holla at me and I’ll get you the details.

The first week, devolved into a pretty good conversation about Pro Wrestling, sorry ‘rasslin.’  That’s what happens if you get a group of guys together, sports talk and insane ramblings.  We like it, that’s what we do.  Unless we go and do something, like play golf or go to a game for several hours.  Then, we don’t talk at all.  Then your wife asks, “What did you guys talk about?”  “Nothing.”  “What? You were together for 4 hours?”  “Yeah, and?”  Then she gives you the look.  I do not have to describe it.  You know the look.

Anyway, we don’t want this to be a group of guys that devolves into just talking about “fun stuff”  (Keyword: just)  We want to also be a group of men that are encouraging each other to be better.  We want to talk about the challenges that we face, problems we’re having and celebrating victories.  You know, something deeper than, “How was I supposed to take the American Dream Dusty Rhodes seriously when he was so fat?”

So here is the question.  Is there anyone in your life asking you tough questions?  Do you have anyone that you know, trust and love enough that they are helping you get better?  Or are you someone who is suffering and struggling alone, sinning in secret and hurting in private?

If so, find a group of people, or one close friend that can help you, someone who is not afraid to ask you tough questions and help you when you’re not doing well.  Tip:  Pick someone that you wouldn’t lie to.  You would lie to your spouse about struggling in some areas, you would lie to your boss in others.  Bonus Tip:  Pick someone, though, that you would be embarrassed a little to tell the truth to, not some buddy that would laugh along with you.  Pick someone that being around them makes you want to be better.

Then you will be a great team, like the Road Warriors or the Rock ‘n Roll Express.

Don’t Lie. We Can Tell.

One of my first posts on here was about the show Lie to Me, which is really cool (the show, not the post).  The post itself was really more filler that I wanted to have on there for when we launched publicly.  You could read it here, but don’t.

Anywho, this morning in our men’s leadership study, we were talking about having friends that can call us up and make us better, not buddies that always agree with us and don’t genuinely help us.  We need to have friends that we can be honest with and we can tell them that we are not doing well when in fact we are not doing well. 

I told them that if someone asks you how you are, you should only say good if you are good.  I also told them that I know when you’re lying from watching the show Lie to Me.  I am certainly no expert, but I am learning to read people better.  Here is what we do.  First, we make this face:

Or you can scrunch your nose and/or raise an eyebrow.
Or you can scrunch your nose and/or raise an eyebrow.

Then we say with a high pitched voice, “good, I’m good.”  Wrong, that is a lie.  Some of us will go to the next tell of touching/rubbing the face or fidgeting with our hair.  Again, lie.

I said all of that this morning in part to be funny, but there was an unintended consequence.  When we broke up into small groups, guys didn’t know how to answer each other’s questions.  All we know sometimes is to scrunch our face and squeak out a good.  When asked how work is we have to rub our face and show stress before we lie and say that we are “fine.” 
I now pass this on to you.  Hopefully, now you will be aware of your own “tells” that expose your dishonesty.  This perhaps can encourage you to trust your friends more, go deeper in your relationships, and tell the truth about how we feel.  We need each other to make it, but to do that we need each other to be honest.