Another Visit from the Toenail Ogre

About 3 years ago, our then 7 year old daughter in very Laurenish fashion, ripped off the toenail of one of her big toes.  The fact that that kid has never 1) been in a full body cast or 2) Ever been to the emergency with a stomach pump is amazing.  I could fill a blog called www.ohmygoodnessyouwillnotbelievewhatlaurendid.biz  (I like .biz, it’s classy. cloften.biz is still available if you want to start a rival site).

So one night, mom is getting her ready for bed and doing the various trimming of the toenail shards, cleaning, etc., and it’s time for the big piece to come off.  While this is going on, Lauren begins to muse, “I wonder if I put this under my pillow, if the tooth fairy would take it?”  A discussion amongst all of us begins along the lines of whether or not the tooth fairy would do that, if there is a different toenail fairy, etc.  It was agreed that she should at least give it a go and see what happens.

What happened next, none of us could’ve anticipated.  It turns out that there is not a toenail fairy, but a toenail ogre.  He left Lauren a note written in crayon with dirt all over it, with terrible handwriting and worse grammar.  He also didn’t leave any money.  He left a rock.  Lauren, if you know her you will not be surprised, was ecstatic.  She has both the rock and the note in her keepsake box.

Welpst, she broke her toenail again a couple of weeks ago at a soccer tourney.  The big chunk came off a couple of nights ago.  Anticipation was building in the house again as this giant toenail chunk was placed in a baggie under her pillow.  Sure enough, the toenail ogre was back.  This time the note, still with bad penmanship and grammar, was written with what appeared to be a red sharpie (Maybe said ogre didn’t know where the crayons were.  Maybe it has moved recently).  There was, of course, another rock, which is now along with the note, in the keepsake box.

Is there a point to this? I don’t know. Maybe. As much as there ever is, I guess.  Maybe multiple points:

1) It is as weird behind the scenes at our house as you anticipate it would be.  Probably more.

2) Make fun memories with your kids.  Be creative.

3) They won’t be young forever, but they will remember stuff like this forever.

P.S. The toenail ogre does not come with just ordinary toenail clippings.  Don’t be ridiculous.

P.P.S. Secret goal is to be #1 in Google search for toenail ogre

Loften Christmas Card 2010

Wellpst, it has been yet another crazy transition year for the Loften crew.  As you can tell from the picture, we are all handling it well.

Anywho, in the midst of a wild transition, we are very thankful to a God who has been so faithful to us this year.  Maylee and Lauren are doing well in school, have made great friends, and it didn’t take them long at all to get involved in the things they love to do.  Lauren loves playing “ninja goalie” for her new soccer team, and Maylee can’t wait to perform in her local theater debut in Feb.

We have loved living here in Fayetteville–Razorbacks! Great food, beautiful places and always something fun happening.  Our new church, The Grove, is going well with a lot of new people and energy.  The people of The Grove have been awesome, welcoming and loving our whole family.

We obviously miss all of our friends and family in Cabot/Central Arkansas.  We love knowing  that once God joins our hearts together, they are never really apart.

We hope that you have a great Christmas and that the incredible reality that the God of the universe came to dwell among us so that we could have life with him sinks deeply into your heart this season.

We love you all.

Cloften, Hloften, Mloften and Lloften

(Charlie, Heidi, Maylee and Lauren)

Apartment Living

I am not a snob.  I am not too cool, rich, awesome, etc. to live in an apartment.  By that, I mean that I don’t want you to think that I am.

It has been quite an experience over the last couple of months.  We’ve had a lot of fun/difficulty with the maintenance department especially.  Department might be strong of a word, 3-Stoogian Group perhaps.  When we first moved in, we told them that the fan in our room was broken.  It makes a whack-whack-whack sound.  Someone came by and said, “That’s not good. That would make it hard to sleep.”  “Yes, thank you.”  “We need to replace that.”  “Thanks, again.”

2 1/2 months and many promises later, I come home with the girls after school and we hear someone in the apartment (scared us just a little bit).  I walk around and there is a maintenance guy replacing the fan…in the girls’ room.  That fan was not broken, had no problems, but it was now being replaced.

I try to tell him that it was the wrong fan, but it is clear that he doesn’t speak English.  That’s cool though.  While I don’t know enough Spanish to say, “We need you to fix the fan in the other room,” I am convinced that I will be to explain to him well enough in Spanish the situation when he is done.

As he is leaving, I try to get his attention, this time in Spanish.  It doesn’t work; he is out the door.  I ask him to wait in English and in Spanish, no good.  I finally just get his attention and bring him to our room and turn on the fan.  It starts making the noise, which I imitate in the international language of onomatopoeia.  He gets the message, gets his stuff and tightens up the fan.  It no longer makes that noise.  Victory.  It was hard work, but we got there.  (Seriously though, I really do wonder what language that dude spoke)

Oh, btw, did I mention that we discovered last night, when going to bed, that the new fan (You know the one that replaced the fan that worked fine), doesn’t work?

Moral of the Story: Someone please by our house.

Editorial Disclaimer:  We are not mad at anyone.  We believe that the people that run the apartment complex and the maintenance crew are good-hearted people doing their best.  While the facts of this story are not exaggerated, the snarky tone is added for comedic effect and do not reflect the heart of the author or his family.

I’m Right and I Will Not Be Moved

As most people know or are coming to know, I enjoy reading and studying politics.  I keep most of my political opinions and thoughts to myself.  I have been saying more lately, but mostly just general rants about idiocy that spreads over everyone of all political stripes.  I described my current political philosophy to a friend as cynical.  This current philosophy has spanned Republican and Democrat administrations and different Congressional majorities.

Someone asked me based on my cynical comment, if I were a Libertarian.  (I was going to make a legalize marijuana joke here, but it seemed too easy.  Make your own if you like)  While I certainly hold some Libertarian positions, it doesn’t really capture where I am right now.  It doesn’t encapsulate all that is the cranky cynic.  I think what frustrates me more than anything is that it seems that we have lost our ability to have rational, helpful, humble discussions about, well, just about anything.  We all know whose fault that is, don’t we?  That’s right! The other guys.  I can’t stand them either.

Here are a couple of examples of what frustrates me.  A couple of weeks ago, it came out that 1 in 7 people live below the poverty line.  I read a couple of articles (I will not link to them, because you deserve better.  If you want a recommended link, check this out.) on the topic.  One suggested that this new information proved that the Bush tax cuts didn’t work.  The second suggested that this proved that the Obama stimulus plan didn’t work.  Both were riveting, and by riveting, I mean I wish someone would put a rivet through my foot.  I wonder if the poverty news had been good would those same authors have suggested that “Wow, the Bush tax cuts did work” or “Thank goodness for that stimulus package?”  Actually I do not wonder what would have happened.

Similarly, we recently marked the 6 mth anniversary of the Health Care Reform legislation.  Seriously? Are we 14 yr olds in dating relationships that we mark month anniversaries of legislation?  I didn’t have a party. Apparently two columnists did have a party, though one might be better described as a wake.  One article said that it has been so much worse than we could have ever thought.  The other, you guessed it, said that it has gone better than expected.  Would anyone like to wager that both of those articles were written 6 months ago?

(Sudden topic shift) You know, my fear is that this attitude has crept into other areas of our life.  We stake our position, we declare ourselves right, and nothing, NOTHING, will move us off of that position.  I wonder what it would take sometimes to convince us that we are wrong.  How angry and hurt does our spouse have to be before we apologize?  How many times do we have to read what the Bible says before we change?  Is it even possible?

At what point did these political commentators “figure it all out?”  At what point did it no longer matter what happens, it proves them right?  All bad stuff is “their” fault and all good stuff is because of what “we” did.

At what point did we “figure it all out?”  At what point did it no longer matter what the Bible verse says, it proves what I already believe?  At what point in this post did you start thinking, “I know some people that need to read this?”  “They” have some ideas and beliefs that need to change.

My hope, for me (and you as well) is that my heart and mind will always be open.  (I fall short on this often.) What have I missed?  How does God need to change me, soften my heart?  What part of God’s word am I ignoring or minimizing? What part of me is closed off to what God has to say to me? Let’s be open to what God has for us when His Spirit is talking to us, when we are reading the Bible.

You know I’m right.  I always am. (Do I need a JK for stuff like this or have you figured it out by now?  Oh, nevermind.  Sorry.)

Top 10 Loftens’ Most-Used Movie/TV Quotes

I made a run at something similar to this before, but I didn’t like it, not enough to delete it though.  Once it gets posted, it is written into the record.  Anywho, here is a better list, not that anyone cares.  I take that back, my brother will like this.  So this one’s for you, Brad-o.  (Friend him on FB if you like.  He’ll say yes to just about anyone, especially if you’re friends with me)

One of the defining characteristics of being a Loften is making pop culture references and quoting movies or TV shows in casual conversation.  It’s who we are.  It’s what we do.  I’m afraid, however, that we are in a season, where it has taken an ugly turn.  I try not to be judgmental, and I want to be a relatively cool dad.  However, we are starting to get a lot of random quotes around the house from various pre-teen Disney and Nick shows.  Lauren will say something, and I’ll say, “Where does that come from?”  Way too often the answer is Gibby.  Who is Gibby?  Some character from iCarly, which is the “best” of these shows, which is akin to saying “least annoying mosquito.”  Sometimes it’s Fred.  I can see these coming, because of the annoying voice that accompanies it.  If you don’t know who Fred is, I will do a public service by not telling you.

All that said, taking Gibby, Fred, and the cast of Tru Jackson, VP out of it, these are the best and most used references around the Loften home.

10. “Spongebob! This pencil is broken.” — Patrick Star from the TV show Spongebob Squarepants

This is my only shout-out to stuff that my kids watch, mostly (entirely) because this is the only show they watch worth watching.  Patrick is trying to write a poem and borrows pencil and paper from Spongebob.  Patrick is frustrated that the pencil doesn’t work, because it won’t write any words.  To which Spongebob replies that you have to think of the words yourself.  This is a new, but now common, thing to say around the house when you need a comedic break from your homework.  You take a deep sigh, hold up your pencil and declare that it is broken, because it will not write words.  Homework cannot continue until the Spongebob retort is given.

9. “Faboo” — Wakko Warner from the TV show Animaniacs

If you don’t know who the Animaniacs are, I feel bad for you.  Do you remember when cartoons were funny and clever?  Yeah, I know it’s hard, but try.  This was a show in that genre.  Funny for kids, smart and funny for adults.  It was around in the early to mid-90’s.  Pinky and the Brain were birthed out of that show.  Don’t know them either? Pity.  Wakko Warner was a character patterned somewhat after Harpo Marx (BOOM! uber-dated reference), except that Wakko would talk on occasion, with his own vernacular.  He often shortened words.  Faboo was short for fabulous.  That’s how we use it.  We use it so much that it doesn’t even feel like a pop culture reference anymore.  In fact, I may be the only that knows that it is and where it comes from.

8. “John Coctoasten”  –Fletch from the movie Fletch

Fletch is making up a name to try and convince someone that they knew each other from a while back.  He introduces himself as “John.”  “John, who?” “John Coc…toast..en” is what he replies mumbling, hoping she will make her own connection.  I have had to confess at various times that the Loftens are not very good at remembering people’s names.  (Please Grovers, do not assume that I know your name.  Especially if we met on a Sunday.  I don’t remember anything from Sunday morning.  It’s kind of a crazy day for me.)  So it is not unusual for Heidi and I to try and remember someone’s name.  “I think his name was Mike?  Uh, Mike De…Do…uh…”  To which the always helpful, sarcastic spouse (could be either of us) will reply “Coctoasten?”  Did this to someone not a Loften recently.  The awkward pause and stare made it all worth it.

7. “What’s ‘taters, Precious?” — Gollum from the movie Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers

Being from the South, taters is a common word.  It doesn’t feel like slang.  It’s just a much simpler way to say potatoes.  Isn’t two syllables always better than three?  Save energy, man!  Well apparently, Samwyse Gamgee was from the southern part of the Shire, because he says taters as well.  The Yankee, Gollum, not knowing this word responds with “What’s taters, Precious?”  Then Sam responds with, “Po-tay-toes.  Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew.”  Classic.  This must, must be said any time, anyone, anywhere says taters.  It’s not optional.  Sam’s response is optional, but strongly encouraged.

6. “Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window” — Chico Marx from the movie Horse Feathers

Come on guys, everyone knows this quote right?  Right?  No one. Fine.  I am pretty sure no one else in our house has even seen this movie.  However, Marx Brothers movies are quite popular with Loften men.  They are hilarious and well-written, you know just like…basically nothing today (You kids get off my lawn!).  Chico and his brother are trapped in an apartment but they have a rope.  He tells his brother, Harpo to “tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window.”  He doesn’t understand.  Chico repeats this over and over.  Finally, Harpo takes his tie off, puts it on the bed and throws the unattached rope out the window.  See?  High comedy.  So this gets used when someone is giving overly complicated directions and someone else just isn’t understanding.  Someone, well, really just me, will scream “Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window.”  Similarly…

5. “You stay here and make sure he doesn’t leave” — King of Swamp Castle from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The king is trying to get two idiot guards to watch his son and keep him from leaving his room.  He repeats this over and over again.  The two guards just can’t get it.  It’s a hilarious scene.  Probably top 5 funniest scenes from any movie.  This line gets repeated at our house not when the directions are overly-complicated, but when they are incredibly simple, but just not being heard, understood or followed.  (I know what you must be thinking.  With 2 perfect angels in your house, when could that ever happen?  I know.  It’s rare, but it happens)  When someone, read Cloften, says this to his spouse, exasperation has hit its peak.  This is either met with much needed comedic relief or it turns the focus of frustration to the quoter.  It’s a great quote.  Very funny.  Use with caution.

4. “What about second breakfast?” — Merry from the movie The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring

Lord of the Rings is the only entity that gets two entries.  It is from two different installments, but nonirregardless Lord of the Rings clearly is deep into Loften culture.  Our kids are notorious eaters, always have been.  They like food, all kinds of food, in significant quantities.  It is common for them to want to eat at 9 or 10 am, after they have already had breakfast.  Sometimes they will even say, “what’s for breakfast?”  “Haven’t you already had breakfast?”  This is where the Lord of the Rings quotes take over.  This is essentially the same situation Aragorn finds himself in with the Hobbits.  They reply, “We’ve had one breakfast, yes.  But what about second breakfast?”  Second breakfast is now part of our vocabulary.  We don’t have to have second breakfast every day, but it cannot be ignored, if the need arises.

3. “These pretzels are making me thirsty” — Cosmo Kramer from the TV show Seinfeld

Kramer is hired to have a bit part in a movie and this is his only line.  He practices saying it in front of the gang and everyone critiques it and says it their own way.  Now at the Loften house, if someone says something of the same cadence, for example, “This shirt is making me hot,” someone will, not may, will respond back with “these pretzels are making me thirsty.”  At that point, everyone has to repeat the phrase back with their own inflection.  Last, almost always, read always always, is Mom.  Sometimes she has to rebuked by one of her daughters, “(clearing throat loudly) Mom!”  “Oh, sorry.  These pretzels are making me thirsty.” Again, as with many of these quotes, our girls have never seen this on TV.  It doesn’t matter.  This is what we do.  They play along, no problem.  They love it.  I pity their therapist when they are older.

2. “Other options?” — William Wallace from the movie Braveheart

William Wallace has returned from York to discover that the English have invaded and sent a huge army.  He is trying to rally the nobles where they have this interchange. One of the nobles believes that the English are too many and it is time to consider other options.  To which Wallace replies, “Other options? Don’t you wish at least to lead your men onto the field and barter a better deal with Longshanks before you tuck tail and run?  You are not allowed to utter the words “other options” without doing it in Scottish accent.  Sometimes our Scottish accents devolve into British, Irish, Australian, Italian, Norwegian (?).  It’s the effort that matters here.  If you do forget to at least give the Scottish accent effort, someone must and will point it out.  You then correct yourself.  There are no exceptions.  None.

1. “You serious, Clark?” — Cousin Eddie from the movie Christmas Vacation

Clark Griswold is trying to get the kids excited about Christmas and gives a report that he heard that Santa’s sleigh has been spotted.  To which Cousin Eddie in all seriousness replies, “You serious, Clark?”  Let’s just agree right now, that Cousin Eddie is top 3 funniest minor characters in a movie comedy, ever.  I would just say number one, but I don’t want to just pop off like that. Hmmm. The Black Knight (Holy Grail) ?  Carl Spackler (Caddyshack)?  Nevermind.  The uses for this quote are abundant.  If someone says something serious, if someone says something ridiculous, if someone misspeaks and says something ridiculous, the list is almost endless.  Typically, Heidi or I will add, “Get yourself something, real nice.”  This is another quote from Eddie in another scene.  It is completely out of context, but sometimes you just feel compelled to go on an Eddie quoting streak.  “This here’s a quality item.  If you don’t mind me asking, what’d she set you back?” “She falls down a well, her eyes cross.  Kicked by a mule, they go back.” “Got the girl in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey.”  “It’s the gift that keeps on giving.” CLOFTEN, wake up!

Sorry, I got into a Cousin Eddie-induced trance.

Stuff I Learned After 3 Weeks of Nothing

I have some serious blog posts in my head, and they will come later this week.  However, to attempt that would be like not exercising for a month and then running a marathon.  (See, that analogy is terrible.  I cannot be held responsible for the quality of this blog post).  So, in order to stretch the writing, thinking, doing stuff muscles, I will start with something that I’m labelling as rambling, and thus it would be impossible to be disappointed.

In no particular order:

1. Back episodes of LOST are perhaps even better watching them again after you know the ending.  Netflix recently began streaming movies through the Wii, which is great for me now, and will be problematic starting August 1st.  The movie selections for what you can stream aren’t great, but they have a ton of TV shows, and I have been cranking out LOST episodes like a loser sitting in his recliner with nothing to do (Wait, nevermind).  I have to take back what I have said for a couple of years, which is that the creators didn’t know how it was going to end when they started.  They clearly did.  It is hard to find any inconsistencies, plenty of mysteries to be sure, but not inconsistencies.  They clearly had to make some adjustments.  It’s hard to involve a boy that gets older every year, while the timeline of the show is not moving that quickly, for example.  I will post some lingering questions when I’m finished.  (I’m too embarassed right now to share with you how close I am after just under three weeks)  Too start, here is the biggest:

Seriously, what was the deal with Nikki and Paulo and why should I care?

2.  My girls are seriously interested in anything that I am. The current example is their interest in LOST.  Most kids don’t care what “we” are doing as long as “we” are doing it.  (You knew at points in the ramblings, this would get preachy)  Just do something with your kids, together, they will love it.

3.  I associate blogging and social networking with work.  Both of those things are a lot of fun to me but when I shut the brain off from work, I essentially shut those off as well.  I have still gotten on FB and Twitter some, typically one post a day, Conan O’Brien style.  I have not blogged in a long time.  I love it, but it felt/feels like work.  In fact, I am 3 movie reviews behind. 

4.  I feel pressure that my kids make a good impression in their favorite sport when we move.  Maylee loves basketball and wants to play for her school some day, same for Lauren and soccer.  It’s hard though when no one knows you to “get in” to a sport in a new town.  So we have been doing drills in the morning and then running sprints.  (Yes, I run the sprints with them.  Leave me alone.  I have not completely atrophied)  Maylee has started shooting a basketball the right way and Lauren complained about her quad hurting from all the “hop and loads” she has been doing, so success.  If you would like an opportunity to beat our records at the dribbling, bball or soccer, obstacle course, let us know.

5.  The pressure that comes from not selling your house is a lot easier when you are not at that house.  We have gone to Mt. Home, Branson, Fayetteville, and Lake of the Ozarks in the last few weeks.  (I never tweet about trips as they are happening any more.  You know that urban legend about someone robbing you because they read you were out of town on Facebook?  Yeah, it happened to someone I know that lives less than a mile from me.  They stole his kidney too.  Ok, I made up the last part) So, we are out of town and loving life, and not too worried about the house, but we start making the drive and we see the house and something clicks.  It’s like Debbie Downer lives there.  Further thoughts on the house still being unsold later this week.

6.  I really am looking forward to being in Fayetteville at the Grove.  I will probably list this out this week too, but I am excited about the people, the area and the vision that God is calling us to.  See you guys again soon!

It’s good to back with you all, more to come this week including movie reviews including: why I still don’t like Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz and perhaps the best Pixar movie ever.

A-Team Movie Review

Went to see A-Team yesterday.  I wasn’t planning on seeing it but Heidi was out with the girls and some of their friends and there was a showing on the house.  I was going to see Shutter Island at the dollar theater, but it must have ended on Thursday.  Anywho,  A-Team stars Qui-Gon/Oskar Schindler/Rob Roy/Aslan as Hannibal, that scary MMA guy, no the other one, as B.A. Baracus/Mr. T., that dude that I know from Alias, but some of you know from the Hangover as Face, and some dude that they grabbed off the street as Murdoch.  It also has that girl from 7th Heaven who is now famous for being famous as the stereotypical wet-blanket female lead in an action movie and Rick Simon from Simon and Simon (Boom! Dated reference).

Expectations: My expectations were pretty low.  I loved the A-Team growing up and Hollywood does not have a great track record of remaking 80’s classics.  On the other hand, it has Liam Neeson which means there is a 99% chance that the movie will be great (I would have said 100, but I recently saw Clash of the Titans).  So, all put together I’m thinking better than G.I. Joe, probably about as good as Scooby Doo.

Reality: Dude.  No really, DUDE! I could not have been more wrong.  That movie was incredible.  Perhaps it was because my expectations were so low, but a few hours later I looked at Heidi and said, “I can’t get over how good that was.”  Heidi, as always, humors me.  The action sequences were very good.  They took what made the TV show great and brought it to the big screen very well.  The four main characters were cast very well.  Liam Neeson is, of course, amazing.  Bradley Cooper did well as Face.  Rampage Jackson did a great job of being a scary B.A. without jacking Mr. T’s style.  That dude that was Murdoch was hilarious.  He may have launched a career, but it would be hard for me to imagine him as a non-insane character.  It’s essentially their back story, which sets us up, I hope for some sequels.  I cannot recommend this movie enough, if you like fun action movies.

Appropriateness: In contrast to the TV show, there is some language.  There are no F-bombs and there is not a lot of it, but there is some language.  Also, in contrast to the show, people do actually get hit by the large quantities of bullets that get shot.  Obviously, there is some violence but nothing particulary gory.  I would take my teenager to it.  Well not mine.  First I don’t have one, and the one that almost is one does not like action movies.

Rating: (Here is the system)

See it in the theater and will definitely own

See it in the theater and might own

See it in the theater and will likely rent it

See it in the theater and be done

See it at the dollar theater

Rent it

Avoid it.

I rate it a see it in the theater and will definitely own it.  Anybody want to go see it again?  Seriously.

I’m Begging You, Say Something Meaningful (A Brief Political Rant)

I know that I have said many times that I don’t like to get into a lot of politics.  It’s not that I shy away from controversial things, it’s just that what the Bible says is controversial enough.  I certainly don’t want anyone to think that my public endorsement of a candidate or party represents the church, or certainly not God.  I know that seems spineless to you activists out there.  If you say something ugly on the comments, I might turn the why of those comments into a full blown blog post.

On the other hand, I am a political junkie.  I have a handful of web sites that I check regularly that are all over the spectrum.  I cross pollinate that with some talk radio and poltical TV that crosses the spectrum as well.  If you looked at what I watch, read, listen to, etc. you still couldn’t guess my affiliation, if there is one.  However, I know that you can guess my poltical affiliation.  I agree with you, because don’t all reasonable, good-hearted, intellectual people agree with you? (Wow, I have already ranted 150+ words and haven’t even gotten to the topic)

I am fed up with the poltical rhetoric.  I hope that we get a small reprieve between now and the campaign this Fall.  People running for office will say some of the stupidest, vaccuous things.  Then we cheer like crazy people as if they have said something valuable.  An example:

Washington is broken.  It is time to tell Washington that the government serves the people.  Lobbyists, Washington insiders and the special interests have taken over.  Now is the time for the people to tell all of them that this is our country.  We have to put petty partisan politics aside.  I will reach across the aisle and set aside partisan bickering to do what is best for the American people.  Let’s send a message to Washington and the special interests that “we the people” are taking our government back.

You know who says that?  Everybody.  That was actually a pretty good political commercial that I wrote there in about 45 seconds (the time it took to type it).  Arent you inspired?  Aren’t you ready to vote for me? 

Does it really matter what my party affiliation is?  Does it matter how I will vote?  No, it doesn’t, because we are taking back Washington from the special inter…blah blah blah, shut up.  I would love to just rant about how politicians should stop talking in empty sound bites, but do you know why they talk that way?  Because people want to hear that.  We let them get away with it. 

Here’s something crazy.  Let’s evaluate candidates based on what they believe and how they will vote, rather than whether or not they say they are going to “stand up to the special interests.”  (Psst.  Let me tell you a secret.  Everything is a special interest.  Every cluster of people or individual has interests that are unique, read special, to them.  When a politician says he is going to stand up to special interests, they mean the people that have interests with which they disagree.  Meanwhile, truckloads of money of the groups that are eSPECIALly INTERESTed in their views will find their way to the campaign.) 

There are certain values that you have.  There are certain issues that are important to you.  Find out which candidate is most closely aligned to those values and vote appropriately.

If not, Big Business, Big Tobacco, Big Pharmaceuticals, Big Momma’s House, Big Lots, Wall Street, Sesame Street, Special Interests, .38 Special will win.  Then who will fix Washington?

(Thanks, I feel better now)

Robin Hood Movie Review

Just got finished watching Robin Hood.  I meant to see it last week and then yesterday and finally got to it today.  I did the very lame (to some) thing of going to see a movie by myself.  Sometimes I just love that.  Anywho,  Robin Hood starts Maximus as the lead and reunite the Gladiator with the director of Gladiator.  It also stars Galadriel (the kinda scary Elf queen witch lady) from Lord of the Rings as Lady Marion, the priest from the Exorcist as Sir Walter Loxley, and reunites Col. Striker and the Blob from X-Men Origins: Wolverine as King Richard and Little John.  I could do this all day.  It had a lot of people in it that make you go, “wait a second, how do I know them?”

Expectations:  How could my expectations be higher?  Perhaps my expectations for the Hobbit will be higher.  I think my expectationsfor Star Wars: Phantom Menace were higher.  Suffice to say, reuiniting Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe in an heroic epic with swords had me through the roof.  I tried to temper my expectations, but they would not be tempered.

Reality: No movie, I mean no movie, can live up to these expectations.  So, I try to be gracious.  That said, I was surprised if not a little disappointed.  I was expecting more epic battle sequences and creative ways of taking people out with a bow and arrow.  What I got was a story with a plot.  This was a prequel story to how Robin Hood became Robin Hood.  I wish Heidi had been there.  I know she would have liked a plot-driven movie and thus I would have enjoyed it more.  All that said, I really enjoyed it.  The story was good, the action sequences were good.  Russell Crowe, as always, was unbelievable.

Appropriateness: In contrast to Gladiator or Braveheart, this was PG-13, so the battle sequences and kills were significantly less bloody and scary.  There was a lot, I mean a lot, of sexual innuendo, but you don’t see anything.  With the British accents, which I have a hard time understanding, there may have been even more than I noticed.  If I had a teenage son, I might let him see it.  That all depends on what you’re comfortable with.

Rating: (Here is the system)

See it in the theater and will definitely own

See it in the theater and might own

See it in the theater and will likely rent it

See it in the theater and be done

See it at the dollar theater

Rent it

Avoid it.

I rate it a see it in the theater and maybe own it.  It depends on how my typical 48 hour rumination on the movie goes.

More About LOST or “Artists and Literature Guys Skewer a Math Major”

This is a continuation of yesterday’s LOST discussion, see here. I like starting new posts rather than making one post with a lot of comments.  (But that’s just me)

So I am minding my own business on yesterday’s LOST post and then someone quotes Faulkner to me.  I am now hearing from artists and literature guys.  Where are the other math majors?  They probably gave up on LOST years ago.

Here is what I want from a show like LOST or movies that delve into the supernatural–a cohesive worldview.  All of my nitpicky questions are part of an overall picture of what is the worldview. 

What are they wanting to say when it seems Michael is in worse shape with “God” for killing two innocent people out of desperation to save his son than Ben who slaughtered the entire Dharma Project and many more people?  As far as Mr. Eko and Walt go.  There are ways to make that work.  Film Eko on a green screen wherever he is.  Use clips from Walt from the early seasons.  Make him an adult.  Try harder.  That’s all I’m saying. 

We’ve also yet to dive into what Jack’s dad says.  You guys “created this place” to find each other.  Created this place?  What do you guys think that means?

BTW, I scrutinize time travel movies way more than this.  We can hammer that out another day.

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